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Fighting and goals/struggles - Personal Statement for University of Arizona?



jk17 6 / 9  
Nov 22, 2009   #1
Unlike any boy, I love fighting. Since the first grade when I had my first fight, I have dealt with many confrontations and trouble, not because I was a bully, but because I was easily provoked. I did not have a lot of friends in elementary or middle school compared to the enemies and rivals I have engaged in.

Although I am not an aggressive person, fighting interests me because it gives me adrenaline and excitement that no other sport can offer me. I am always competitive and strives to be the best in everything from academics to sports. To me it was either first place or nothing. I was the fastest kid in track, the strongest and most athletic kid in weight training, but I was always the one getting bullied because I was practically the only Asian at the school. When I told my parents of kids making fun of my eyes and my bowl cut hair, they decided it is best for me to move to a different more diverse school for high school.

In the Freshman year of high school I was involved in a street fight by saving my cousin's life. The fight happened out of nowhere when three random guys beat him nearly to death and I was the only one to defend him. Although they were twice my size, I surprisingly took on all of them by myself. I walked away without a bruise but immense mental pain and sympathy for my cousin.

Since that day, I begin to dedicate my training in mixed martial arts which was often self-taught. Many wrestlers with a skilled wrestling background become successful fighters in the Ultimate Fighting Champions. Thus, I began wrestling but not until my Junior year of high school. One of my goals is to become a professional fighter. I was determined to wrestle although I had the least experience in wrestling. My parents worried about me every day after wrestling practice to make sure I was not hurt or injured.

The first few weeks of wrestling practice felt like torture. The wrestlers drilled each other one by one as if we were soldiers getting ready to be deported for war. In the third week of practice, my ear begins to irritate and I felt terrible pain from my ear. I walked over to Coach Gonzalez and asked him if my ear was swollen. As surprised as everybody else, he tells me that I have cauliflower ear. He tells me that usually wrestlers get cauliflower ear after a few years of wrestling, but I have already gotten it in only a few weeks. "What happened to your ear?", my mother yelled when she found out about my cauliflower ear. I explained to her what cauliflower ear was and she did not want me wrestling anymore. She told me the next injury I sustain, I will need to quit wrestling. Building muscle, staying healthy and getting strong was a priority, but trying to keep up with my homework and grades was difficult. During the end of the season, I injured my nose and was advised to get x-rays. It was later found out, that my nose was not broken. I never thought of quitting as an option for me, but I must obey my parents. After discussing of the nose injury to my parents, they agreed to let me finish the wrestling season. At the end of the season, I was crowned one of the best and most improved wrestlers.

Despite the long hours of wrestling practice, I was able to keep my grades steady. When I become overwhelmed with homework, I remember how difficult wrestling practice was and it gives me the confidence to keep moving on and never back down. I have learned to not be afraid to fight, whether it is fighting stress or physically fighting. Even though fighting is morally wrong, it can save a life.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 23, 2009   #2
It's off to a rough start. Your first sentence seems to be an error; did you mean to say, "Like most boys, I enjoy fighting?" Or maybe you meant to say, "My love of fighting is unlike that of any other boy."

But then you also present yourself in a negative light by admitting that you like fighting, because people with wisdom like avoiding fights. It is not enough to "not be a bully," because you also have to "not be someone who enjoys dominating others."

In the Freshman year of high school I was involved in a street fight during which I saved my cousin's life.

It is great to choose an unusual topic, but I think you should approach this as if you have left your love for fighting behind. That would suggest personal growth, etc.

At the end, there, the last sentence refers to fighting being morally wrong, and that is an important point. If it saves a life, though, perhaps it is not morally wrong. I suggest reworking this to focus on how you no longer love fighting, but you love knowing that you are strong and capable, and that you can use those attributes to excel in your chosen field.
orange07245 1 / 6  
Nov 23, 2009   #3
i agree with the other comments, just bring a more subte start to your first sentence.


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