Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Sprinting down the driveway, I prayed it had arrived. Shuffling through the glossy ads, I came across the coveted letter; it read Columbia High School Summer programs, decision enclosed. Overwhelmed with excitement, I tore open the letter. Ouch. Paper cut. I proceeded with caution. Scanning, my eyes found the word accepted. Never had a piece of parchment made me so pleased. I had been accepted into the neuroscience program.
The first day of classes left me pining for more advanced curriculum. Unfortunately, what was to be covered in the program was simple psychology, everything I had learned from my class in school as well as my subscription to Scientific American Mind. Exploring my options, I realized I could switch into another course, presuming there were openings. Filmmaking sparked my interest. Much to my surprise, someone had dropped digital filmmaking, leaving me with the coveted spot. Having been an avid Youtube video maker, I enjoyed the independence and creative freedom our professor granted the class. The hands-on class allowed practice in all aspects of movie making, and I was extremely excited when I pitched my idea for the final project and my classmates chose it as one of the final films. My experimental film titled "Just Luck" explored the suicidal mind of a teenage boy. Although it was darker than the other films, my teacher labeled it as a standout film with "powerful visuals and editing."
Having been taken in by what she had seen, I began to wonder if there was a scientific basis for the effects film has on people. The more I learned about various techniques in writing, directing, and editing the more I felt I could use the information for future use in neuroscience by studying the impact of such things on viewer's brains. I began to look at a right-brain task, film, from a distinctly left-brain perspective, neuroscience. My summer at Columbia helped broaden my knowledge in film while inciting my curiosity about a new interdisciplinary field, neurocinematics.
Sprinting down the driveway, I prayed it had arrived. Shuffling through the glossy ads, I came across the coveted letter; it read Columbia High School Summer programs, decision enclosed. Overwhelmed with excitement, I tore open the letter. Ouch. Paper cut. I proceeded with caution.Scanning the letter , my eyes found the word accepted. Never before had a piece of parchment made me so pleased. I had been accepted into the neuroscience program.
The first day of classes left me pining for more advanced curriculum. Unfortunately, what was to be covered in the program was simple psychology, everything I had learned from my class in school as well as my subscription to Scientific American Mind. [Switch this around. Put the sentence beginning with "Unfortunately" before the one beginning with "The first day"]
Content-wise, this is pretty good. However, I think you need to elaborate more on how this relates to the person you are. Overall, I think you have a good writing style and it was entertaining to read. Hope this helps! Oh, and do you think you could check out mine (prompt 2)? :)
