'the first in my family' - Why Ohio State University Essay?

Can someone please help? What else is needed?

Why are you considering The Ohio State University?

Attending The Ohio State University has always been a goal of mine. With living in Columbus my entire life I grew up hearing all the great things about the university such as their sports programs, academic programs, and all the opportunities they offer. Ever since I can remember I always said I want to be a Buckeye.

Attending Ohio State would be a great honor for me since I would be the first in my family to attend a major university. I want to major in mechanical engineering, and I believe Ohio State would be a great place for me to do so. I have heard many great things about the engineering program that Ohio State offers and all of its successes.

I want to major in mechanical engineering, and I believe Ohio State would be a great place for me to do so...explain why you think it would be a great place for you. do a little reasearch and throw some specific facts that you like about the school

opportunities they offer..what do they offer but explain why you like them and how they can benifit you and your goals
what great things did you hear about it?.. it needs to be about YOU and why YOU like them.

put some more of yourself into it, they know about what they offer. they just need to know why you want to be part of them

hope this helps :)

With Living in Columbus my entire life, I grew up hearing all the great things about the university -- praise for their sports programs, academic programs, and all the opportunities they offer.

I think you should begin with a bold statement about your passion for mechanical engineering, and then discuss your various options. What schools did you consider, and how did you settle on this school? What are your personal goals for the time you will be learning there? Let them know that you have a clear plan for the future -- at this university, and also as a professional.

Show details and clarity in your thinking.

In addition to the above comments, it seems that the essay is not complete. After "I have heard many great things about the engineering program that Ohio State offers and all of its successes.", the reader would expect you make a strong conclusion.

I think it would really add some personal character if you wrote about some of the things that you've heard about the university since you say you've always heard about it. I'm applying to OSU to so I know the essay can be up to 300 words. So, if I were you I would just elaborate more on what you already have and also tell them something about yourself that will make you stand out.