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Essay about my first job at the age of eight and a half



mikisuzuko 1 / 2  
Dec 6, 2011   #1
Hi, I was wondering if anyone had time to help me edit my essay. THANK YOU

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

While my third grade classmates were deciding whether leaves should be colored orange or green, I was busy deciding which supplier would bring the most profit for my father's construction business. I worked hours every day as a volunteer secretary and interpreter for Vandy's Contractors. My parents struggled with English, so I was responsible for anything involving English. When my parents immigrated over to the United States they were in dire need of a translator, so I took it upon myself to learn Vietnamese and English fluently enough to be able to translate. It may sound like a lot of work for someone so young, but I enjoyed the opportunity to help my parents, and reveled in their praise for my hard work. With the experience I gained, I was then able to act as a translator for the Vietnamese immigrants around the area. Not only was I able to help my own family, but others too! While some may say that an eight year old is too young for such work, I found it rather rewarding.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Dec 6, 2011   #2
You have a very unique story! You show off your good qualities by telling the reader all about your childhood. The only thing I might change: in the final two sentences, switch them, so you end the essay in "others too" I think this paper is pretty solid, nice work!
ninosage 2 / 5  
Dec 7, 2011   #3
The essay is very good and unique. I would also change the ending a bit.
Another thing if you have characters to spare would be to elaborate more on how it affected you and your character.
maroon5 9 / 57  
Dec 7, 2011   #4
Well u have definitely got a unique essay that gives a personal insight into your childhood and experiences...If u do have words to spare i suggest u keep the content u have written till now and just elaborate a bit more on what u have learned from having to enter the "cruel world of industry" (just kidding) at such a young age...other than that it was really interesting to read and has no grammatical or style errors...GOOD LUCK

Please Look Over My Commonapp Essay
OP mikisuzuko 1 / 2  
Dec 7, 2011   #6
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and edit my essay! I sadly don't have enough characters to add on any more information, but I did switch my last two sentences around. Thank you for the advice too!


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