"How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply?" - Essay Qustions

"How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply?" - Essay Qustions

When I first started looking for colleges I was about 12. Obviously I didn't know a lot about what I should look for in a college but I was fascinated by the idea of going to a place literally to learn about anything. This was how I found Rice. Once I was old enough to know what to look for in colleges, Rice met my initial criteria: great academics, great location, the usual. But I soon found out that Rice was more than that. It had more than I could even think of. from a unique architecture program to it being practically Hogwarts in Texas. The architecture program in particular sparked my interest because it approaches architecture in a new way, instead of making buildings a math problem or to merely achieve a single purpose they are well thought out and inspiring. I'm mostly looking forward to working in the studio. The tour guide, while she wasn't an architecture major herself, said she would walk through Anderson hall and check out what the students were doing. I feel like that's awesome that others from all over campus will be able to view and appreciate my work. The students in Anderson Hall were excited (well, as excited as students working at 5 pm can be) and more than happy to show me the projects they were working on. They also were helping each other out and while I'm sure they were a little stressed they enjoyed each other's company, it truly felt like a close collaborative group which is what I work best in. Walking out of that building made me feel inspired to do anything. And honestly the entire campus felt like I could do something completely outrageous and the people around would just join in.

So this is a rough draft of my essay but I just wanted to know if I focused to much on architecture school? Also is my conclusion good? I feel uneasy about it. Thanks in advance!

Hello..
These are my thoughts about your grammar

... colleges I was about 12 YEARS OLD. Obviously I didn't DID NOT (Avoid using contractions in the formal writing) know a lot about (...) in a college, (Do not put comma) but I was fascinated by...

But HOWEVER, (Here should be a linking word) I soon found out that Rice ...


That is really complex so that readers get confused to get the point of meaning in your writing.

I'm I AM mostly looking forward to ...
The tour guide, while she wasn't WAS NOT an architecture major herself...
I feel like that's THAT IS awesome that others from all ...
They also were helping each other out and while I'm I AM sure they were a little ...

GOOD LUCK