My common app essay is attached below. I will also include the prompt for your convenience. I would appreciate any help with proofreading and any ideas that would improve my essay. The word limit is 650 and my essay is currently at 610 words, so i have some wiggle room but not too much. Let me know what you all think! Thanks a lot!
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story
Johnny Jenkins
Above the Clouds
My first flight lesson may have been one of the worst experiences of my life. I am in an old, cramped two-seat plane 3,500 feet up in very turbulent air with an instructor that barely speaks English. Not to mention that I had just met him for the first time less than half an hour ago. Meanwhile, I am terrified of heights and suffer from motion sickness. However, my pride would not let me admit that I was afraid and sick. I had already vomited and swallowed it back down to avoid humiliation at least twice. Needless to say, my pride can often get the best of me, and this time was no exception.
Terribly nervous, I followed all of my instructor's directions crudely and held the yoke tensely. I tried to shield my uncertainty behind an ear-to-ear smile. I was not fooling anyone but myself. Once we began to approach the runway for landing, my irritated stomach was too much to handle. I could no longer fight my upset stomach, and I vomited all over the yoke and myself. I felt completely embarrassed and fragile. I was humiliated. How could I become a pilot when I could not make it through my introductory flight? After, the flight the instructor invited me back to fly again (no idea why he did), and I accepted his invitation. However, I had already made up in my mind that I would not actually return.
My second lesson actually occurred because I was afraid to be honest and I told my parents that I was still interested in pursuing a pilot's license. I thought about fessing up to my parents but I thought it over and gave flying one last shot. I went back to the small airstrip near my home and met the same instructor. Completely embarrassed, I apologized repeatedly for the last lesson, and he laughed. He explained to me how he had similar problems when he first began flying. I was immediately relieved. On the second flight, we both had a great time. I learned a lot and we shared many stories and laughs. I did not feel nauseas, and I forgot about my fear of heights.
With each flight, I became (and still continue to become) more confident and comfortable with flying. Flying has truly become a passion of mine, and the sky has become my sanctuary. Flying is both fun and a time for reflection. The sky is an unlimited canvas for me to paint with my thoughts. The most special flights for me are when I gaze into the horizon and lose myself in thought. There is an indescribable intimacy that I feel when I am flying. Flying provides me with a sense of escape. When I am in the air all of my problems become trivial and unimportant.
Flying has made me more disciplined, taught me the importance of humility, taught me how to be patient and reminded me to never fear the unknown. It is important to always be kind and patient with others because you never know what personal battles they are fighting. Had my instructor responded to my troubles in a different manner, I would never have had the courage to pursue flying, and I would have missed out on my passion. Now, each and everyday, I attempt to have that same patience with others. Secondly, I learned to not fear the unknown. Before I started flying, I passed up on a lot of different experiences simply because they were foreign to me. Now, I am able to eagerly step out of my comfort zone and try new things.
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story
Johnny Jenkins
Above the Clouds
My first flight lesson may have been one of the worst experiences of my life. I am in an old, cramped two-seat plane 3,500 feet up in very turbulent air with an instructor that barely speaks English. Not to mention that I had just met him for the first time less than half an hour ago. Meanwhile, I am terrified of heights and suffer from motion sickness. However, my pride would not let me admit that I was afraid and sick. I had already vomited and swallowed it back down to avoid humiliation at least twice. Needless to say, my pride can often get the best of me, and this time was no exception.
Terribly nervous, I followed all of my instructor's directions crudely and held the yoke tensely. I tried to shield my uncertainty behind an ear-to-ear smile. I was not fooling anyone but myself. Once we began to approach the runway for landing, my irritated stomach was too much to handle. I could no longer fight my upset stomach, and I vomited all over the yoke and myself. I felt completely embarrassed and fragile. I was humiliated. How could I become a pilot when I could not make it through my introductory flight? After, the flight the instructor invited me back to fly again (no idea why he did), and I accepted his invitation. However, I had already made up in my mind that I would not actually return.
My second lesson actually occurred because I was afraid to be honest and I told my parents that I was still interested in pursuing a pilot's license. I thought about fessing up to my parents but I thought it over and gave flying one last shot. I went back to the small airstrip near my home and met the same instructor. Completely embarrassed, I apologized repeatedly for the last lesson, and he laughed. He explained to me how he had similar problems when he first began flying. I was immediately relieved. On the second flight, we both had a great time. I learned a lot and we shared many stories and laughs. I did not feel nauseas, and I forgot about my fear of heights.
With each flight, I became (and still continue to become) more confident and comfortable with flying. Flying has truly become a passion of mine, and the sky has become my sanctuary. Flying is both fun and a time for reflection. The sky is an unlimited canvas for me to paint with my thoughts. The most special flights for me are when I gaze into the horizon and lose myself in thought. There is an indescribable intimacy that I feel when I am flying. Flying provides me with a sense of escape. When I am in the air all of my problems become trivial and unimportant.
Flying has made me more disciplined, taught me the importance of humility, taught me how to be patient and reminded me to never fear the unknown. It is important to always be kind and patient with others because you never know what personal battles they are fighting. Had my instructor responded to my troubles in a different manner, I would never have had the courage to pursue flying, and I would have missed out on my passion. Now, each and everyday, I attempt to have that same patience with others. Secondly, I learned to not fear the unknown. Before I started flying, I passed up on a lot of different experiences simply because they were foreign to me. Now, I am able to eagerly step out of my comfort zone and try new things.
