"I flourish in large classes" - Rutgers admissions essay so far..

Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

"failure to prepare is preparing to fail"~ John Wooden. The dreaded question-"what colleges are you applying to?" returns to haunt every senior at some point during the year. My answer was apparent as soon as I discovered Rutgers University. Rutgers is the perfect option to further my educational endeavor not only because of its location and prestige, but because of their reputation for the courses available.

The fraternities, sororities, clubs, events, seminars and "The Daily Targum" all exemplify the wealth of diversity in this institution-it is a cornucopia of knowledge and sophistication wrapped in a blanket of warm personalities. This prestigious university has found its way into my list of potential candidates, and I have taken the path necessary to reach a position where I am now considerable if not an asset. What validates me as an applicant is an outspoken, sagacious, and charismatic personality that allows me to blend right in to the Rutgers "lifestyle" which incorporates dauntless leadership and meticulous scruples. Not to mention...humor and an ability to inspire others to be valiant, ethical, and brave.

The innumerous experiences that I have encountered during my brief yet fulfilling lifetime have allowed me to ascertain a plethora of morals and solid reasoning. Events that altered my life and the way I live today. An account of a gratifying experience that taught me a priceless lesson was when my first pet was given to me-a guinea pig.

Beyond those precious beady eyes and it's ridiculously soft fur there was a world of responsibilities concealed within agreeing to care for "Vegeta" (instantly named due to my naïve and narrow-minded mentality.) My first pet was the onset of the responsibilities to arrive. After a few grueling days of tending to Vegeta...it reminded me how similar it was to my mom taking care of me-after that moment of enlightenment, I began to have a newfound sense of respect for my mother. Regardless of the epiphany that had occurred moments ago...an obstinate, phlegmatic, and onerous "childish" mentality satisfied my relentless ego. Which was, shortly afterwards, demolished after a glimpse of Vegeta's deceased cadaver...the cause being that he ate rat poison when I let him roam the hazardous kitchen floors. The sight of the living being that I took care of for the past week, just lying there...motionless, caused me pain in a way words can't possibly begin to describe-yet that episode cleared the mental haze for a few seconds, where I was then able to salvage...the truth. "Saying that you will do something or have something is worlds apart from actually doing or having it." That essential realization/moral was taught to me at an age when most people don't-eleven.

The student-faculty ratio is ideal for me since I flourish in large classes; yet the size of the class does not sacrifice its efficacy because it is still able to sufficiently provide each student with essential attention in the time allotted.

Travelling to India was a remarkable experience-to say the least. I sauntered in (initially) with neither clue nor expectation and was overwhelmed by the oxymoronic feelings that infiltrated my ignorant bliss. As soon as I stepped outside of the international airport (which was actually the most astonishing airport I have ever seen)...on one side the architecture was stunning and grand; on the other...the conspicuous poverty on every street. It was inevitable...there was a beggar at every traffic light and every corner...some young, some pregnant, some old, and some even homosexual.

The voyage to my motherland delineated to me something that I longed for. A sense of history and purpose was given to me at the end of that trip...I knew then...exactly where I came from. Who? What? When? Where? Why? Even how?-all answered in two months; a certain place that was just a word-"Hyderabad" all of a sudden has a definition and a myriad of memories intertwined within it. Achieving a sense of purpose is one of the greatest accomplishments a human being can obtain. Rutgers, I can only offer you my rich background, my morals, my ethics, my personality, and most important of all...my respect.

Listen I helped it a lil deleted some lines like u said...but the "I"s are a problem 16 in all LOL can ya help me out a lil it would be deeply appreciated...and tell me how this fares? what out of a 10. and if you were to grade it 0 being worst and 6 being best what would it get. Thanks in advance

Hi, here's my opinion. Good start, on the track. But I would suggest you get rid of the first two or three sentences, because your essay reviewers already know you're applying to Rutgers U. And in your first paragraph, you are trying to describe why RU is a good college, and list many of its features, but I think you can focus on how "you" would like to take advantage of it, what programs what features offered by RU attract you particularly. So just personalize it. you don't need to tell them what's in their school, 'cause they know.

Ok, consider your structure, the "student faculty ratio" part doesn't quite fit in because it's in between your self explanation. You may put the school part in the first paragraph (how it can serve you in terms of variety... and how can "you" benefit from the diversity of the school.) I suggest you look up RU's website, find programs or student orgs that have something to do with "various backgrounds and experiences", but I think "large classes" is less of it. what I mean by personalizing and focusing on "you" is you put something like this "I want to study Midwest culture, and in RU I would be able to meet students from Midwest, and join their xxx fraternity which features xxxx. in that way, I would have a better understanding of xxxx. I value the diversity and opportunity provided by RU". It may not be a good example, but it should give you a hint. As for "how you can contribute", you can just focus on the "India trip", I think this experience is more meaningful. Then you may think of and explain "why such a experience would bring benefits to RU". the last thing, choose simpler words. hope that helps, if you have any questions let me know.

...lifetime have enabled me to ascertain a plethora of morals...

Wow, lots of big words... be careful not to let it start sounding contrived with all these big words.

Like... this part, for example, needs to be changed: ...neither clue nor expectation and was overwhelmed by the oxymoronic feelings that infiltrated my ignorant bliss . ----> I don't know what you mean to say there, but it should be different...

The essay is disorganized. I suggest writing an intro paragraph that is about the most important point you are making -- seriously, specifically, what do you have to contribute? After you tell them that in the first para, the rest of the essay will make more sense.

That is, once you have explained what you have to contribute, the other content will serve as support for the claim.