"I will focus on math" + "everyone should be entitled to education" - UT in Austin

I've written two papers and boy have they taken a toll on me.

They first one is

"Statement of Purpose"

With the help of a good friend, I started my first job as a lifeguard at the age sixteen, working at the city pool. Because of the satisfaction I felt with my first encounter with a child struggling in water, I want to continue helping those in need, no matter how big or small the situation is. This experience and each that has followed during my career as a lifeguard have been the blueprints in hopes of molding me into someone who has the ability and education to become a Physician Assistant.

Needles, tests, white bed sheets, tear drops and doctors creped in the emergency room. The one-word question, "Why?!" was being repeated like an echo in what seemed to be a torture room. My family was screaming out sobs like slaves being removed from loved ones. I lurked in the corner of the room feeling helpless as my father was admitted to an Emergency Room for pancreatitis. The thought of knowing I could not do anything to help someone in a great deal of physical pain has pushed me forward to excel in a medical career.

Attending Richland Community College was the best choice I've made so far concerning my education. Coming out of high school with mediocre grades and enrolling at Richland College was a great way of taking a small step towards taking my education seriously instead of falling flat on my face at a four-year university. I have been able to work nearly full-time at my job at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, take twelve hours of school or more each semester and still maintain my GPA above a 3.5 on top of having my parent's home fall into foreclosure and dealing with a tedious move. With math being the only subject that is giving me a run for my money, I have understood: if I'm not struggling, I'm not learning. With school as my primary focus, the hard work I have invested has led to an invitation to become a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society, which requires nominees to have a minimum GPA of 3.5. By accepting this honor, it raises the bar of expectation considerably, encouraging members to stay at the top of the totem pole of their class.

During my freshman year in college, I did not have a slightest idea what degree plan to follow. I assumed because of my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant, biology or chemistry would be logical course to take. However, soon after enrolling and attending Introduction to Psychology with Professor Tom Taulbee (whom had an internship with Donald Whaley, one of the top Operant behavior analyst of his time), I had enough motivation to pull myself out of bed and get to school, anxiously waiting for Professor Taulbee's lecture. I now understand that psychology is a science that focuses on all aspects of human behavior and mental processes as well as to describe, explain and predict human behavior. I can use the general principles of psychology in efforts to better understand my friends, family, my coworkers, and society at large and myself. Knowing the psychological, physiological, and the biological make up of the human body gives me the ability to better understand any patient that were to come under my care.

In hopes of becoming a Psychology major as a Longhorn, a personal goal of mine is to take a psychology class under Professor Bradly Love. After my friend graduated from the University of Texas in 2009 with a degree in Psychology, he always urged me to take Mr. Love as a professor if I had the opportunity. With his impressive publications, the number of articles he has reviewed and sharing his research behind human behavior on the local television news hints at Mr. Love's knowledge and passion for what he does and teaches. With psychology being a fairly new field, there is no doubt that Professor Love has his own ideas and concepts that could add to the theories of human psychology.

Since my high school career, higher levels of mathematics have always given me a level of frustration that I thought could never be obtained. After trying to graph the same rational function for the fifty-eighth time in my fall semester math class, I came to my senses and concluded that if I am not understanding a concept, tutoring would be the key to earning a grade suitable to get on by for the semester. Though my fall semester was a bit unstable because of my difficulty understanding math concepts, I will focus a little harder in my spring semester math class as well as any other courses that follow(especially math) and earn a grade that isn't just "good enough" to get on by.

And the second one is

"Personal Essay"

Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation."

Issue of Importance
"All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth." - Aristotle

The simple word, "education" withholds complicacies behind the acquirement of knowledge. In many countries throughout the world, education is stressed and viewed as mandatory for the benefit of each person and for their country. Yet, in other countries, the rate of illiteracy and unemployment overcomes a majority of the population, who are forced with great endeavors. Educations possess the learning of knowledge and skills that one may take advantage to better oneself. With certain groups of people swearing their lives to evil leaders and falling into corruption, the key to contain (if not abolish) these evils is by the factor of education. In today's world, education has become an issue that can be combated with strict laws that will greatly diminish poverty, overpopulation, world hunger, and many other problems.

After graduating high school, I now understand that education is vital for the upbringing of an individual. Education has prevailed and enhanced certain talents I carry and will continue to offer me the tools to improve the well-being of my life. As a student striving to major in Psychology obtaining a career as a Physician Assistant, I understand the higher level of education I must achieve and I am willing to put effort into reaching self-actualization. With an immense education from a reputed school such as the University of Texas, the chances of holding a position in a hospital could give me an opportunity to volunteer in 3rd world countries where I hope to tend the sickly while educating them about their illness.

Just like every human being is entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit to happiness, everyone should be entitled to education. Increasing the number of educational institutions, mainly public schools, would allow even the poor to have an opportunity to learn. The poor do not understand the workings of the society, which consequently leads to overpopulation in underdeveloped countries on top of the poverty and unemployment burden. Because of their ignorance, uneducated humans tend to believe more children in a family will in return benefit them when in fact, it will do the opposite. With proper education, one can be taught how to manage a family properly.

Education is fundamental to expanding the brain's limits and imagination. Thirty years ago, there were a group of educated and highly skilled people who imagined an affluent country in the middle of an empty desert. Today, Dubai stands as a business hub. Known for their remarkable and expensive architectural construction, such as having the world's tallest building, Dubai would have never been where it is now without the educated minds of those skilled people.

Education gives human beings the tools to succeed. It furnishes people with the ability to better their lives.

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks for looking guys!

The essays are quite well written - only a few grammatical and stylistic errors need to be corrected -
Essay 1:


It should perhaps read - Because of the satisfaction I felt at helping a child struggling in the water


I presume you meant "crept" but even that doesn't make sense. Please rephrase this sentence.


not "on top of" instead it works better if you say "while dealing with the foreclosure of my parental home and a tedious move to a new house."


biology or chemistry would be the logical course to follow
Essay 2


This sentence makes no sense. Please rephrase.


again rephrase - did you mean, the majority suffers from the high rate of illiteracy and unemployment


instead of upbringing, use "growth of an individual"
Hope this isn't too late, I see you had uploaded the essays almost a week ago. So if you haven't submitted them yet, all the best!