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'Forget about laws.' - Describe the world you come. How has it shaped your dreams



highflier 1 / 2  
Oct 27, 2011   #1
This is the essay i have been able to come up with. Please tell me if it answers the prompt and makes sense. thanks

'Forget about laws. If you want to enjoy life then bend the rules after all, even the police men receive bribes'.

That is just one of the many despairing comments from Nigerians. My Society is starved of development because of the corruption practiced by the leaders and the elite. As a result, many of the commoners are forced to resort to crime to survive. For many, the end -no matter how vile- justifies the means, and corruption has become a way of life.

I grew up in the wanton city of Lagos all my life. I have watched how so many commoners, that don't resort to crime, are thrown into a life of poverty. I have heard people try to justify their own lawlessness by blaming the government. I have been a victim of an armed robbery. The way my society is sickens me; I wanted to leave and never come back.

'Uncle, please don't leave'. She said

I remember the sad look on that little girls face as I was leaving the orphanage.

'Don't worry, ill come back' I replied

Her words struck me with different meanings. They told me not to forsake my country, not to be overwhelmed by the vices, not to lose hope for a better society. They showed me that an unjust society can be improved. That little orphan imbibed hope in me.

Now all do is to improve myself so that I can in turn improve my despondent society and contribute positively to the world as a global citizen.

Lily Rose 5 / 16  
Oct 27, 2011   #2
I think it's too short. I feel like it's an uncompleted story. You can fill in the essay with more details, your psychological narration, your insights etc..
breakingRenee 5 / 11  
Nov 13, 2011   #3
I feel as if you could expand the last paragraph some more ... maybe speak of an example in you life know that has brought you back to that statement to show how it has impacted you
OP highflier 1 / 2  
Nov 13, 2011   #4
I forgot to add its about 200-250 words.


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