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"I found my calling in the silence"- an admission essay I'm using for a few colleges



valerieroseee 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2013   #1
I am using this essay to apply to quite a few colleges. All of the colleges have a free essay prompt on the topic of our choice. Feel free to lend me as much constructive criticism as Thanks!

There was no pulse--there was no breathing; amid the silence of my patient's body, there was chaos all round. I was seventeen and scared, but in the midst of a clutter of hands working for a single purpose, I found my home.

When I walked into my first EMT class I quickly scoped the room and found that I was the youngest one there at just sixteen; thus, I was shy and apprehensive. As the months went on, I gained a sense of confidence, leadership, and dedication I never knew I was capable of. I was an aspiring EMT; being submissive and hesitant was no longer an option. There is absolutely no room for self-doubt when caring for a patient or for bashfulness when orders need to be given loud and clear. There is no other day in my life that I felt such a feeling of accomplishment and pride in myself than when I became a certified EMT after months of extensive training and testing.

Somewhere between listening to my patients' life sagas when they want to be transported to the furthest hospital possible on a Sunday night and an ambulance bench that I spent countless nights sleeping on voyaging back to the station, I discovered my niche. Despite the opinions of most who could not even fathom working under the stress and time constrains we are often put under, I think quite the opposite. When I step into the ambulance, it automatically becomes my office. Nothing else matters but the safety and well-being of my patient; all other personal matters and worries cease to exist and the cab of the ambulance becomes my world. Even with the sirens wailing, the ambulance becomes my quiet place where I am free to focus on my craft. Working in a force made predominately of males, I have also learned how to hold my own and work twice as hard to prove my capabilities

Both the partnership and independence being an EMT has brought me are two of the most important and valued qualities that I have developed from my experience, however my discoveries did not stop there. I have learned the true meaning of horror, yet the true meaning of thankfulness. I have witnessed the arrival of a new life and the death of an aged one. I have had calls that were almost too much to handle and I have had times where I needed to shake it off by the very next day. I have been placed in unbelievably comical situations and I have had calls when I needed to hold back tears.

I once had a paramedic tell me, "good EMTs never stop seeking knowledge and experience. When they do, they've failed at their profession." As I follow my dreams in the medical field, I aim to never fail at my profession.

katev 18 / 111  
Jan 14, 2013   #2
There was no pulse--there was no breathing; amid the silence of my patient's body, there was chaos all round.

This is odd punctuation.

in the midst of a clutter of hands working for a single purpose, I found my home.

I really like this

When I walked into my first EMT class I quickly

EMT class, I quickly...

patients' life sagas

saga is an interesting choice, I'm not sure it has quite the right connotation

listening to my patients' life sagas when they want to be transported to the furthest hospital possible on a Sunday night and an ambulance bench that I spent countless nights sleeping on voyaging back to the station

This is a confusing sentence. It doesn't have parallel structure. I'm not sure which two ideas you are "between"

Despite the opinions of most who could not even fathom working under the stress and time constrains we are often put under, I think quite the opposite.

I might reword this. You think the opposite of what? You can fathom working under stress?

I aim to never fail at my profession.

I like what you are trying to imply from the quote. I think it could be powerful (because you mean to say that you aim to never stop seeking knowledge and experience), however the message gets a little lost. When you read "I hope to never fail at my profession" it has a less-than good connotation to the reader. Maybe rephrase your last sentence

I really like what you are writing about. It is unique enough to catch the reader's eye and you talk about it passionately enough to keep them reading.


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