"The Free Will; an answer to this dilemma" . Brown Supplement

French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know? (500 words)

The Free Will

Morpheus: "The Matrix is everywhere, it's all around us, here even in this room. You can see it out your window, or on your television. You feel it when you go to work, or go to church or pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."

Neo: "What truth?"

Morpheus: "That you are a slave, Neo. That you, like everyone else, were born into bondage, kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch."

I'm writing this essay on a Friday afternoon when I could be doing other things- watching a movie, hanging out with friends, or reading a book. Why, then, am I writing the Brown supplement essay when I have more enjoyable alternatives? The simple answer is that I chose to. But why did I choose so?

The first set of reasons stems from my evolutionary nature. Humans have evolved to have the ability to predict what will happen in the future. If I don't write this essay now, I will have a smaller chance of attending Brown. I value attending Brown more than having fun on a Friday night because humans have also evolved to prefer intellectual fulfillment to momentary physical pleasure. The second set of reasons comes from my environment. I grew up in a family that values education and was fortunate enough to visit Brown last spring break. I met people both online and in the real world that affected my decision to apply to Brown.

However, both sets of reasons are factors beyond my control. I certainly did not choose my genetic nature. But I also did not choose the environment I have grown up in nor could I pick the people I have interacted with throughout my life. If a combination of my genes and surroundings determines my behavior, did I really choose to write this essay? In other words, did I have the freedom not to?

I first started thinking about the free will to criticize the advocates of an unfettered free market. I thought the free market is free only to those on the top of the system. For instance, many American teenagers had to risk their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan because it was the only way they could pay for college-they were not entirely free to choose otherwise. As I delved deeper, however, I arrived at a fundamentally troubling scene. If there is no free will, society cannot hold us morally responsible for our actions. Should we forgive a serial killer because his crime is a result of his genes and society, not his own choosing? Also, if we cannot freely control our lives, where must our motivation in life come from?

I would like to believe that we have the free will, but don't know how to prove so. I don't know, but I'm eager to learn. I hope that I will have an answer to this dilemma by the second time I enter the Van Wickle Gates.

Well let me start by saying you have a very interesting/unique style that I am a fan of. . Also, part of me feels like this essay really fits the mold of the "intellectual idea that influenced you" because this essay is very much about an intellectual concept. Having said that, it does work for this prompt as well. A few points:

I am not sure how much mileage you are getting out of the matrix scene and I don't think it is really adding something to your essay

This concept that your talking about is connected in every sense to the nature versus nurture debate that psychology is constantly arguing about. I would possibly look into that and apply it perhaps.

Talking about the free market seems to come out of nowhere. Maybe you could frame it before you talk about the free market so that it makes more sense why you jumped to thinking about that concept.

I think ending on the "I dont know, but I'm eager to learn" would be a little stronger then talking about Van Winkle (even though it is very fitting)

Lastly, I am not sure if this is exactly accurate: "humans have also evolved to prefer intellectual fulfillment to momentary physical pleasure" and also the physical pleasure part is not exactly bringing up the imagery I think you are looking for haha

Great essay and good luck!

First of all, let me say that I absolutely LOVED your idea. If I had to write on the same topic, I probably would not have thought of something like this. I think my comments are a little biased because I spend quite a bit of time thinking about stuff like this, but I think admissions will like it as well. I like how you started with The Matrix. That captures your readers' attention.

But as Rishi noted, I don't think that fits in very well with what you wrote. You need a better connection between the two. I wouldn't throw out that part completely though--your quote from The Matrix is what drew me to your essay..it was unique.

Just a few suggestions on the last part:

"I would like to believe that we have the free will, but don't know how to prove sothat . I don't know, but I'm eager to learn. I hope that I will have an answerbe closer to finding the answer to this dilemma by the second time I enter the Van Wickle Gates."

Also, just wondering, what are the Van Wickle Gates? Is that from the Matrix?

Great essay dude
Just one minor correction. I'm assuming the Van Wickle Gates are Brown's entrance. Instead of "I hope that I will have answer to this dilemna by the second time I enter the Van Wickle Gates", you should change it to "by the time I leave the Van wickle gates 4 and a half years form now". This way you are implying that what you don't know now you will learn at Brown.

"Also, just wondering, what are the Van Wickle Gates? Is that from the Matrix?"

^Hahaha, sorry I literally just laughed for like five minutes about that, and I felt obligated to post. The Van Wickle Gates are the gates at Brown that the incoming freshman class walks through when they're being "inducted," and the graduating class walks through when they're... well, graduating.

According to Brown myth, if you walk through them again before you graduate then you will never graduate. That is why prepies said "the second time."

Also, I liked this essay. But I agree with the previous posters that the Matrix scene needs to be tied in better. Try referring to it throughout the essay.

While it's all good and well, the flow, I think needs to be a little more flowy haha. Instead of using such harsh transitions "My first/second set of reasons" (and by the way, I wouldn't use "set" anyways, because it's really just one reason...) try naturally connecting the end of one idea to another.

I also recommend taking out the Morpheus part...it seems a little trite, to me. Not really adding much to your essay, especially as you already have a quote that you're supposed to base your essay off of.

I also agree that your essay has quite abrupt subject changes. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm tired, but the way you're explaining your essay doesn't really make sense. It feels like a lot of smart words put together that should make sense, but...it doesn't. But again, I'm tired. lol

Hope this helps!

"Also, just wondering, what are the Van Wickle Gates? Is that from the Matrix?"

^Hahaha, sorry I literally just laughed for like five minutes about that, and I felt obligated to post. The Van Wickle Gates are the gates at Brown that the incoming freshman class walks through when they're being "inducted," and the graduating class walks through when they're... well, graduating.

According to Brown myth, if you walk through them again before you graduate then you will never graduate. That is why prepies said "the second time."

Also, I liked this essay. But I agree with the previous posters that the Matrix scene needs to be tied in better. Try referring to it throughout the essay.

lol, haha I guess we learn something new everyday.