'The friends around' - UBC PERSONAL PROFILE, WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WHY?

I value my friendships the most.

The friends around me have changed me for the better with each of their unique personalities. I have friends who are loud and outgoing, which helped me break through my timidness in my earlier years of high school. They put me in situations where I had to talk to someone new and always encouraged me when I had to talk in front of a crowd. My friends were also the ones who introduced me to new found interests, such as the sport "ultimate" and the video game "League of Legends." Through these interests, we have become even better friends. We might joke or annoy each other, but I know there will always be someone to talk to . I can speak about whatever is on my mind and they can do the same with me. I truly understood I could talk to my friends about anything when one of my closest friends shared his frustrations and damaged relationship with his father to me. He felt comfortable enough to share such a personal situation with me and as such made me value friendships a lot more. Being with them is truly a place where I can be myself. My friends are individuals who I have value and helped shape me throughout high school.

Sharad, your response is good. It showcases how you have grown and developed as a person due to the positive influence of the people whom you spend more time with. You spend more time with your friends rather than your parents and it shows in a positive manner in your writing. You have truly highlighted how these friendships have brought you to another level of confidence and taught you how to trust people. What seems to be lacking in your essay though, is an explanation of how these friendships are important to you coming from the other side. That is, it is important to you because you are also a pillar of strength that your friends lean on when they need help and support. You cannot reduce that to a one liner about how your friend vented about his relationship with father to you. You have to show the reviewer how you help your friends during their times of need as well. Whether it be as a sounding board, an adviser, or a partner in an undertaking. These are the types of facts that will help to develop the importance of your explanation. You could edit the essay content to integrate that reference. Just remove the reference to how your friends introduce you to new interests because those references are a bit shallow and unimportant in the overall presentation.

This looks like a really good response and I love how you outlined how your friends brought a positive impact to you and your life style. As a suggestion (I know there is a word limit but) try to include why the presence of your friends made you a better person. Introducing you to different interests are great but I want to see the true impact they had on you and your personality.