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Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends describe. (UBC personal profile)

ArmaanS 1 / -  
Jan 5, 2020   #1

UBC personal profile

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Self-sufficiency is a crucial quality that all humans should have but the majority lack. Nowadays people are dependant on others to accomplish tasks and this dependency partially sets them up for failure because outside help will not be available at all times. My friends and family would describe me as a self-sufficient person.

I would be described as a self-sufficient person because I rarely accept help from outside and much rather accomplish tasks on my own before asking for help. Shortly after graduation, I was burdened with the regret of not taking Calculus 12. I knew I would be going to university soon and would have to take first year Calculus. I tried applying for summer school Calculus 12 but classes were full. I accepted that I would be going into university without any preparation for math, unlike my friends. At first I found the class quite difficult because concepts like limits and continuity were new to me, while my other friends relaxed for the first couple weeks. I found myself studying twice or three times the amount they studied but this turned out to be beneficial because I developed good study habits.

Ultimately, I ended up getting an A+ in the course which is the highest grade possible and did even better then my friends that took Calculus 12 in high school. This grade was the result of myself being independent and trying to accomplish the task on my own before asking for help.

any suggestions, idk if this is even on topic or not been such a long time since I wrote anything, help me out please and thanks.
Famai 3 / 6 3  
Jan 8, 2020   #2
The first two sentences make the essay sound factual. I suggest that you alter/omit them because they don't contribute to the personal voice of this essay.

Secondly, the usage of the term 'self-sufficient' may be inaccurate as it means "needing no outside help in satisfying one's basic needs, especially with regard to the production of food.". You might want to change it to 'independent' or 'self-reliant' instead.

Apart from that, good job on the anecdote!
StroggCore - / 3  
Jan 9, 2020   #3
Not bad. My first essay on this theme was not as good as yours, to be honest.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,662 4753  
Jan 14, 2020   #4
It would be better if you used a different personality trait for every section required in the essay. The whole point of the prompt is to help the reviewer get a well rounded opinion of who you are as a child or sibling, friend, and community member. This is a preliminary interview that should reflect how well you may or may not function in an independent college setting. Therefore, the reviewer needs to know how you function in each situation. While it is easier to use only one personality trait if there is a common belief about you in that manner, it doesn't really reflect all the other aspects of your personality. If you still have the time, try to revise the essay to reflect more of who you are in various ways / settings.

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