"gadgets and the world of technology" - essay for uiuc admission

Essay for UIUC transfer , pl suggest changes,i've less than a few hours left to submit,i'm applying as an international transfer student

In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

I have always been fascinated by gadgets and the world of technology and am interested in knowing how things work.Ever since reading about the stories of Google, Apple ,Microsoft etc , I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur , a technology entrepreneur . Since then I learnt a few languages like Java , Python, Flex, VB.NET,C++ etc , disassembling applications and some ethical hacking . In my 10th grade , I wrote an open source browser called {...} in VB.NET . It has the feature of letting the user specify the transparency of the application windows and has been downloaded by over a hundred thousand users . I have completed around 80 to 90 challenges in popular hacking challenge sites on the web.I'm also interested in robotics , and have participated in a couple of competitions in my college, and how networks and communication systems work. In school, my favorite subjects have always been math and physics , this explains my interest in electrical engineering and computer science . I had appeared in the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) of the Indian Institutes of Technology (IITs) in 2009 and had secured a rank of {3000} among 400,000 applicants and then joined the {...} choosing electronics engineering as my major . I would like to transfer to the University of Illinois as it is one of the best places to study electrical engineering and a place where I believe I can realize my dreams.

the {...}'s are just to remain anonymous

I don't think your writing skills are there yet. The admission essay is not about what you have accomplished. It is about showing yourself. Do that~

Best Wishes.

Thanks for the advice ,I've never been good at writing but considering the fact that I have only a few hours left,what should I do?

Let's just get rid of "am":
I have always been fascinated by gadgets and the world of technology and am interested in knowing how things work.

If you use a comma, us "I" again, but if you do not use "I" again no comma is necessary:
I'm also interested in robotics and have participated...
or
I'm also interested in robotics, and I have participated...

Google this: comma use in compound sentences

I would like to transfer to the University of Illinois as it is one of the best places to--- I think you can say something more specific than "it is one o the best places to ..." You could write something that tells WHY it is better than other places.

:-)