I can't think of any closing sentence so please tell me what you think would make a good conclusion. And all advice is welcomed :)
Prompt: Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
To be born in China helps me gain a good understanding of diversity. Not only the lifestyles across the country are largely different, but the country consists of 56 distinctive ethnic groups. The traditional religion in China is Buddhism while Christians account for a big number of populations and every ethnic has its own belief, like Islamism. There is a Jami near where I live. Although mandarin is the official language, many people are accustomed to speak their local languages. Living in a country where I can be exposed to many different cultures allows me to have concepts, comprehensions of different things and adapt to new culture easily.
I had a great opportunity to participate in Model UN Conference in 2007 where I met delegates from around the world. On the conference we represented different countries discussing current affairs and global concerns and looked for resolutions standing for mutual interests. Representing other countries other than our original ones required us to put our own cultures and customs aside to acquaint ourselves with the cultures of the countries we were on behalf of. During the discussion we encountered intellectual, cultural and individual differences and, however, we reached resolutions that were good for all or most countries. From this activity I learned how to share my opinion with people who have dissimilar backgrounds and take in concepts that are opposite to mine.
Before we come to the conclusion, you need to know that your essay is overall too general. You need some details, for example:
On the conference we represented different countries discussing current affairs and global concerns and looked for resolutions standing for mutual interests.
What affairs, concerns?
During the discussion we encountered intellectual, cultural and individual differences
What differences, in detail?
Then you could end with a deep understanding of diversity, or culture, and show UM how you would use your understanding to contribute to its diversity.
My experience of having grown up in China helps me t o have a good understanding of diversity. Not only are the lifestyles across the country are largely different, but the country consists of fifty-six distinctive ethnic groups.
Islamism Just write Islam.
This is like 2 different essays -- one about China's diversity, and the other about the model UN. I think you should end the first paragraph with a sentence that tells something about how your experience of diversity has changed your philosophy about life. Then, end the 2nd paragraph with another sentence about your philosophy about life. that way, you can use the philosophy you describe on BOTH the China part and the UN part.
I hope that is clear and easy to understand; do you know what I mean? You need a theme that glues the ideas together.
:-)
thanks both :)
^yeah i totally know what you mean. thats what i thought when i reviewed the essay but i just want to keep both paragraphs.
Yes, I didn't mean you should omit any paragraph. I just meant you should give a common theme that will unite the 2 ideas in the reader's mind. All it requires is having a little phrase that you repeat in both paragraphs. But it is just an idea, anyway... good luck! :-)
^i appreciate your advice and i did add some phrases :) thanks
I thought it would be better for you to tell something about the Chinese culture that you would like to introduce to the world. Do you specialize in something like calligraphy?
jzh110jzh110
no, i didnt. it has word limit. i can't elaborate many things. and tbh i dont know calligraphy that well myself
sneha17
thank you
