Hi everybody,
I am posting this because I need editing for the short common app essay.
Please let me know if you think that the essay is good or bad. It is around 200 characters over the maximum, so if there is anything I can cut, please let me know.
Also, a grammar check would be cool..
The prompt is, "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)."
Whenever watching the Saturday cartoons on television, one can always find the scientific "geek." Typically, this character would be off in his own digital world sporting thick-rimmed glasses, a pocket protector and an occasional nervous stutter. As a kid, I thought that going to a computer science summer camp at an organization called Shodor would somehow morph me into this persona.
After that summer, I found myself looking the same. My eyesight didn't magically deteriorate and my speech didn't stop sporadically. Instead, I discovered that I fell in love with computer programming. I have created models that demonstrate real situations such as cell life, written code that would graph functions on apple products and designed various different websites. Science has never been my strong subject but with a computer-programming job, I have gained confidence and skill. Through this work experience, I have been able to share my creations with others through showcases in Germany and Britain. It seems almost surreal to be paid to do something so enjoyable. I suddenly understood why the "geek" was transfixed on his computer. It was because he became infatuated with a language not many people can understand.
hey ninosage! It's a very great essay, but you don't really answer the prompt. You talk about your science summer camp in one sentence. Maybe if you elaborate it more and then talk about you're own personal growth and passion toward compute programming. You're thoughts and own emotions make this essay very original, but just talk more about the summer camp itself!
Hi tehfunkicookie. Thank you for the response! I think you're right.
The essay is about my job as a computer programming intern.
I have made corrections in the beginning of the paragraph to make it more obvious.
In terms of personal growth and passion, I feel like I do a pretty good job covering that in the second paragraph.
Do you mean expand on the "confidence and skill" part?
Revised:
Whenever watching the Saturday cartoons on television, one can always find the scientific "geek." Typically, this character would be off in his own digital world sporting thick-rimmed glasses, a pocket protector and an occasional nervous stutter. As a kid, I thought that going to a computer science summer camp at an organization called Shodor would somehow morph me into this persona.
After that summer, I found myself looking the same. My eyesight didn't magically deteriorate and my speech didn't stop sporadically. Instead, I discovered that I yearned for more so I applied and got a job as an intern. During my time there, I have created models that demonstrate real situations such as cell life, written code that would graph functions on apple products and designed various different websites. Science has never been my strong subject but through this work experience, I have gained confidence and skill. I have been able to share my creations with others through showcases in Germany and Britain. It seems almost surreal to be paid to do something so enjoyable. I suddenly understood why the "geek" was transfixed on his computer. It was because he became infatuated with a language not many people can understand.
