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George Washington U: "Orientation Towards Success" RISKY Essay



pch340 2 / 4  
Jan 21, 2012   #1
I know the deadline for GWU passed weeks ago, but I was able to receive an extension due to extenuating circumstances. The bold part was where I took a HUGE risk, but I was really just being honest. If anyone needs help with their essay, just post here, I'll be sure to check it out!

Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants).

To be honest, I first discovered GWU through a sort-of unlikely case of serendipity. While doing research for a student congress tournament last Spring, I came across a short paper titled "What Role for Government: Compensating When Government Harms." As I read through the paper, I couldn't help but notice how the author had such a clear and distinct way of explaining past weaknesses in US fiscal policy. After a little research, I found out that Mr. Goldfarb was actually an economics professor at the George Washington University. This discovery is really what sparked my interest and prompted me to learn a bit more about the school.

As I remember, my first impression of GWU was actually rather negative - there was no cliched epiphany, or moment of sudden realization or even a desire to apply! After getting in contact with current and former students through the school's Facebook page, I spoke to a lot of people who complained to me about the prevalence of Greek life, the unavailability of professors and a certain sense of entitlement and arrogance among the student body. As disappointing as this was, it didn't stop me from learning more about the school. Soon, I came to realize that GWU is a rather unique institution in terms of what it has to offer. If you're the kind of person that has trouble being outgoing and following your interests with a passion, then perhaps GWU isn't the place for you. But if you know what you want and are dedicated to pursuing your goals, there's an endless array of opportunities at your disposal. Ultimately, it was this sense of professionalism and orientation towards success that influenced me to apply. When I first read about the co-op program, I started thinking about how many opportunities are available for an economics student who's committed to starting a career. Every executive agency and dozens of other Federal branches, all offer internships through the co-op program. This alone, makes GWU one of the smartest long-term investments in education for anyone who's serious about building a resume.

But aside from professional opportunities, the actual economics department is such a well-developed institution. I mean, you have professors who move back and forth between the CISTP and the Elliot School, professors who devote their time to the Economic Research Center, professors who spend their mornings as high-powered government officials - no wonder their time is precious! But I think this really all goes back to the professional atmosphere that GWU has to offer and whether or not you're able to use it to your advantage.

Although I'll continue to learn about the school long after my application is submitted, I already know what I stand to gain from a GWU education. I plan to capitalize on the opportunities available to me and hopefully find like-minded individuals who share the same goals.

Thors Hammer 5 / 60  
Jan 21, 2012   #2
Hello George,
I read your essay; it is nice but a little unimaginative, I'm sure you can be a wee bit more resourceful. You must find a way to bring interest and hold your readers captivation.

I don't like some lines...learn a bit more about school.
Recall you memory from the first time you were exposed to GWO in a different light and avoid casting that dark shadow on the student body.

Unveil your epiphany differently when cementing your decision to attend this school.
Pick something other than 'professionalism and orientation' for you reasons to levitate toward this collage.'
Change the line 'who's committed to starting a career.'
'...who is interested in seriously building'
No wonder we should value there time as precious...
OP pch340 2 / 4  
Jan 21, 2012   #3
"Unveil your epiphany differently when cementing your decision" ??

There was no epiphany - that's the point.

"reasons to levitate toward this collage" ??

You don't really levitate towards a colle ge

"No wonder we should value there time as precious" ??

Their time

I see you posting in a lot of threads, I hope you are trying to give well thought-out advice...
Thors Hammer 5 / 60  
Jan 21, 2012   #4
George, it's called constructive criticism, which you may appropriately apply to my work, as this is why I am responding to so many others.
Snowflakes 1 / 8  
Jan 21, 2012   #5
I like how you're being honest about why you applied. Still, maybe you could focus a little bit less on the negatives. Mentioning a few specific negative points is okay, to show that you actually researched the university, but don't dwell on them so much. Also, after "As disappointing as this was, it didn't stop me from learning more about the school", you begin to use 'you' a lot. This is an essay about yourself, and you shouldn't talk to the reader. You should show them through examples and stories who you are. You probably get this a lot, but here it is again: show, don't tell!


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