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"getting out of my own way", How to answer college app essay questions?



y2kendoll 2 / 8  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
I have to answer two questions on my reinstatement application.
1. reasons for academic deficiency.
2. reasons that will prevent low scholoarship in the future.

Getting out of my own way...

"You are an amazing professional, are you still in school? What's your major?" I frequently hear these questions working the front desk at Lifetime fitness. My dream is to be able to answer it confidently. Continuing my pursuit for a higher education and finishing I will be able to do so. I take this opportunity summarize my cultural background, personal growth, and achievements. Besides mentioning my academic goals, I will also describe my experiences and how they shaped my interests in enrolling in the college of education and human development, the kinesiology program, and teaching/coaching.

My Stepfather was a military man and having seen how the military set him up for the life that he now lives. The military became a viable option for me, so I signed up my junior year of high school. I simply never thought of ever going to college outside of a track scholarship. Moreover, when that did not happen, I chose the military. Basic training was first, this journey to Ft. Jackson S.C. was to be the most challenging and intensely grueling weeks of my life. The psychological adjusting to this unfamiliar lifestyle was strenuous; learning the fundamentals of being a soldier I underwent rigorous physical training, to prepare my body and mind for the physical and mental strain of combat. Most importantly, I learned self-discipline through a strict daily schedule and extremely high expectations for which I was not immediately prepared to encounter.

My AIT job training school was next, I had the MOS 91E an army medic. My new location was on an Air force base, this journey was an enlightening experience, stationed there were all branches of the armed forces. My classes were mixed with all the branches. Hearing the dreams and aspirations of some of the other midshipmen, airmen and soldiers at Sheppard Air Force base I would further regain the motivation that I would need to prepare me for the challenges of my new life and possibly college.

I was born in small town Georgia, where many face a reality of violence and hunger, not having resources to tend to their healthcare or education. I never thought I would be applying to college. As a child, I never understood the importance of it. I was raised in a family where no one attended college. This gave me a theoretical idea that maybe some people are meant to go to college and that some are just meant to earn money by getting a good job that pays well. Growing up in an environment where no one goes to college, and where not many of the peers there are setting positive examples, created the state of mind I possessed.

Even though my parents did not possess university degrees, they never stopped encouraging my sister and me to seek a better education for ourselves. As I grew I realized I could make a change. My Family history and environment influenced me to be better and do better. I decided I would not be a statistic. Watching how my mother, a single parent, struggled raising, my sister, and me, from paycheck to paycheck also influenced the person I grew to be today. I am a determined individual striving for success. To me, when I succeed, it will be for my mother and family, all the young people out there who feel there is no hope for them because of their family's history and environment in which they were raised. I am striving to be a role model, because I believe no one should determine your future but you. Being able to continue my education is a great privilege and I plan to take advantage of it.

Many obstacles in my academic and personal life could have made it hard for me to be a successful person. However, life goes on, and those 'bumps' are just part of life. I am still learning how to deal with them, as I get more mature. I know what I have to do, when, and how. Building self-confidence, to fight my own insecurities is one of the hardest tests in my life. I would constantly change my mind about what is the right thing to do, or what is the best decision to make, or when is the right time to do it. Spontaneity and emotion played a large role in creating the interesting character before you today. A lot of that molding and forming clouded my visibility of the ultimate prize, the goal of being the first male of the Brown family to graduate from college. Substance abuse, legal issues, and finally confinement showered my first few years at UTSA making it almost impossible for me to be successful. That time of my life was a learning experience and showed me where I would not like to be. After all, the final decision to be successful is within me. It has taken me a long time to realize this, now that I have there is nothing left standing in my way of reaching out and grasping that elusive dream of mine.

La Petite Academy where my mother was the director, she introduced me to early childhood education and I obtained incalculable rewards in following the children's growth. I was able to be a role model. I was the one to hold their hand to teach them, to see the determination when a child begins reading when I am the one who teaches them the words, among others. I realized the pleasure of teaching and discovered my real vocation.

My most salient characteristics as a teacher are to be well organized, persistent, communicative, and be very playful, as my mom used to tell me, "to teach children we need to have a child inside ourselves.". Subsequently, I found a job based on my experience. I started working as an infant and toddler teacher at La Petite Academy, and did so for two and a half years. I wish to study continue my studies in the College of Education and Human Development and re-enter to build a career for my future and the future of my family. Completing a Kinesiology degree offered by the University of Texas at San Antonio will allow me to benefit from the various perspectives of its unique program.

I intend to incorporate my personal experience, aspirations, and career goals to this program. Furthermore, I would like to learn as a method I have never experienced, by sitting down on a university's chair, by participating in research activities, taking advantage of the many interdisciplinary opportunities that the University of Texas at San Antonio provides.

My fascination with human development will guarantee my success as a university student. Consequently, it propels me to fulfill my dream to pursue a higher education, and I am prepared for this challenge. My dream is to energize with a formal education the experiences that I have gained and be the proud holder of a bachelor degree.

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jan 1, 2010   #2
I take this essay as an opportunity to write this essay to summarize my cultural background, personal growth, and achievements. Besides mentioning my academic goals, I will also describe how they shaped my interests.----but you also do more than that in this essay. You should also mention in this thesis statement that you will describe your experience in Georgia and time spent in the military.

My Father through marriage was a military man... (this is confusing)

My fascination with understanding human development will guarantee...

I guess its called, "building self-confidence."
OP y2kendoll 2 / 8  
Jan 2, 2010   #3
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my essay. I will make the few changes that you suggested. Thanks Susan

Anyone else have any suggestions? Feel free to comment.
Once again thanks Susan!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Jan 12, 2010   #4
...will also describe how they shaped my interests in _______, _________, and __________.

By adding those examples, you will make the thesis sentence and intro paragraph more substantial.

Don't capitalize father. Oh yeah, I see what Susan means: can you just say stepfather or father-in-law?

Try intensifying it by cutting out unnecessary words, like this:
There have been Many obstacles in my academic and personal life that could have made it hard for me to be a successful person.

This is in good shape, I'm sure you will do well with it!
OP y2kendoll 2 / 8  
Feb 8, 2010   #5
I see what your saying.
Thanks Kevin.
OP y2kendoll 2 / 8  
Mar 6, 2010   #6
I have to answer two questions on my reinstatement application.
1. Reasons for academic deficiency.
2. Reasons that will prevent low scholarship in the future.
Elusive dream remains...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Mar 8, 2010   #7
Besides mentioning my academic goals, I will also describe my experiences and how they shaped my interests in enrolling in the college of education and human development, the kinesiology program, and teaching/coaching.

This looks like a thesis statement for the essay, but it does not talk about the reasons for deficiency or the reasons you will do better this time. I think you should ad one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Right after this sentence (above), give a sentence that names the factors that caused you to struggle and names the factor that is going to make you succeed this time. It will be good if you say you are sure to succeed because you have changed your life situation and are ready to get a new start with plenty of time reserved for studying each week. This is part of the central focus of the essay, so it should be part o the introduction paragraph.

:-)


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