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The thing I value the most
"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." That is what my grandfather told me when he handed me his steel ring, just few days before he passed away. Whenever I think of that day, I picture the pale solemn look on my grandfather's face. I recall I stood next to the hospital bed where my dying grandfather laid and then he leaned uncomfortably and gazed me for a while, took out a steel ring from his trembling finger and gave it to me. I was in a state of deep sentimental shock then. I did not know how to react and I could not utter a word. Anyway I sported the ring. But unfortunately, about two weeks later I lost it.
All of my life, until I was eighteen years old, I had a misunderstanding of true sorrow and pure love. These feelings were something I had not experienced or witnessed before. This dates back to some months when my grandfather succumbed to deadly disease of dilated cardiomyopathy. My grandfather had developed diabetes while in his late forties and it made his health condition more severe. During his ailment I made frequent visits to the hospital to comfort him. Ironically, it was the only time I came up close with my grandfather because I never bothered to visit him. To be honest, I avoided him. However, this period of time helped shape an important turn in my life.
This bitter period of time brought me into a more realistic world. My naïve feelings dissolved into disorder right through the day I entered the hospital. I saw people moaning in pain; I saw frail men and women in anguish; I saw the trauma of poor tattered people who could not afford the treatment; I saw what I despised to see. The longer I stayed, the more I wanted to escape. But this was just not enough to melt my heart. Each day I visited my poor grandfather, I was bombarded with mingled sentiments. And then, when I was just beginning to develop "normal" relationship with my grandfather, he passed away. The reality was way too bitter for me.
During my period of mourning, I was the most upset not because we had lost a loving, caring man; I was much more upset because a horrible disease destroyed my grandfather's life before I could get to know what a strong willed and hard working man he was. This philanthropic man is the same who built a small non-profit school for needy children and who actively participated on charity programs. My grandfather had always been a strong man, a loving, genuine, kind, a compassionate man who answered the call when needed. This persevering man supported five sons, three daughters and a wife on teacher's salary. And since his death, I have been burdened with guilt. When my grandfather lived with us, I tried to avoid him as much as I could. Now, at the cusp of adulthood, I laugh at myself for being a coward. My culture, as well as myself, has always prized family as a major identity factor. Yet when it came to the point that I had to test myself with how much of my world I actually adhered to, I failed. I think about the ring all the time. How could I afford to lose it, when he could have meant something more about the ring? Still, I am not deterred; these reflections made me realize a truth that I would have never found out by myself.
I now realize that my grandfather taught me, without him knowing it, things that I will carry throughout my life. This event changed the way I perceive my life. It has shaped me, changed me, and caused me to have more respect for not just my life, but also the lives of my friends, family and the people I love and care for. Losing him made me wonder about myself and about my attitude in life. Gratitude became a part of my personality. I now understand that you shouldn't take anyone for granted, no matter who he is or how close he is to you. Life is precious and short. He let me understand how to deal with the pain of losing something dear to me. I could have learnt much more things from my grandfather had I not ignored him. I could have never understood love until I lost a huge part of it.
I finally figured out what my grandfather meant when he gave me his ring. The most secure thing in life is death. We are all visiting this world, someday we'll have to leave this life and maybe start a new one. He didn't leave it because it would remind me of him. He didn't leave it just for some act of generosity. In fact, I deserved more than the ring. He gave a very special gift before he left. A gift that I don't need to slide into my finger. A gift that I don't need to worry about losing it. My grandfather gave me the gift of faith. Part of him lives in my heart and when I see people wearing a shiny steel ring, I do not envy it. Instead, it cheers me up to leave my footprint on the world.
The thing I value the most
"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." That is what my grandfather told me when he handed me his steel ring, just few days before he passed away. Whenever I think of that day, I picture the pale solemn look on my grandfather's face. I recall I stood next to the hospital bed where my dying grandfather laid and then he leaned uncomfortably and gazed me for a while, took out a steel ring from his trembling finger and gave it to me. I was in a state of deep sentimental shock then. I did not know how to react and I could not utter a word. Anyway I sported the ring. But unfortunately, about two weeks later I lost it.
All of my life, until I was eighteen years old, I had a misunderstanding of true sorrow and pure love. These feelings were something I had not experienced or witnessed before. This dates back to some months when my grandfather succumbed to deadly disease of dilated cardiomyopathy. My grandfather had developed diabetes while in his late forties and it made his health condition more severe. During his ailment I made frequent visits to the hospital to comfort him. Ironically, it was the only time I came up close with my grandfather because I never bothered to visit him. To be honest, I avoided him. However, this period of time helped shape an important turn in my life.
This bitter period of time brought me into a more realistic world. My naïve feelings dissolved into disorder right through the day I entered the hospital. I saw people moaning in pain; I saw frail men and women in anguish; I saw the trauma of poor tattered people who could not afford the treatment; I saw what I despised to see. The longer I stayed, the more I wanted to escape. But this was just not enough to melt my heart. Each day I visited my poor grandfather, I was bombarded with mingled sentiments. And then, when I was just beginning to develop "normal" relationship with my grandfather, he passed away. The reality was way too bitter for me.
During my period of mourning, I was the most upset not because we had lost a loving, caring man; I was much more upset because a horrible disease destroyed my grandfather's life before I could get to know what a strong willed and hard working man he was. This philanthropic man is the same who built a small non-profit school for needy children and who actively participated on charity programs. My grandfather had always been a strong man, a loving, genuine, kind, a compassionate man who answered the call when needed. This persevering man supported five sons, three daughters and a wife on teacher's salary. And since his death, I have been burdened with guilt. When my grandfather lived with us, I tried to avoid him as much as I could. Now, at the cusp of adulthood, I laugh at myself for being a coward. My culture, as well as myself, has always prized family as a major identity factor. Yet when it came to the point that I had to test myself with how much of my world I actually adhered to, I failed. I think about the ring all the time. How could I afford to lose it, when he could have meant something more about the ring? Still, I am not deterred; these reflections made me realize a truth that I would have never found out by myself.
I now realize that my grandfather taught me, without him knowing it, things that I will carry throughout my life. This event changed the way I perceive my life. It has shaped me, changed me, and caused me to have more respect for not just my life, but also the lives of my friends, family and the people I love and care for. Losing him made me wonder about myself and about my attitude in life. Gratitude became a part of my personality. I now understand that you shouldn't take anyone for granted, no matter who he is or how close he is to you. Life is precious and short. He let me understand how to deal with the pain of losing something dear to me. I could have learnt much more things from my grandfather had I not ignored him. I could have never understood love until I lost a huge part of it.
I finally figured out what my grandfather meant when he gave me his ring. The most secure thing in life is death. We are all visiting this world, someday we'll have to leave this life and maybe start a new one. He didn't leave it because it would remind me of him. He didn't leave it just for some act of generosity. In fact, I deserved more than the ring. He gave a very special gift before he left. A gift that I don't need to slide into my finger. A gift that I don't need to worry about losing it. My grandfather gave me the gift of faith. Part of him lives in my heart and when I see people wearing a shiny steel ring, I do not envy it. Instead, it cheers me up to leave my footprint on the world.