What does global university mean to you? (NYU Essay)

Hello,
This is my essay for NYU
since im not a native english speaker.. there might be some grammar errors :)
second.. i am worried that my essay answers the both questions

I was really moved when i got some feedbacks from ppl last night for the first time
so... please leave some comments ony my essay!

Thanks!

NYU is "In and of the City" and "In and of the World." What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

I was born in South Korea, not a particularly dominant or influential nation in the world. Unlike its petulant cousin to the north, South Korea has not garnered much attention from the world. It does not possess plentiful resources, finances or land mass. On a personal level I was once much like my country-insignificant and unnoticeable. I didn't play sports or embark on any adventures or challenges. I lived a boring life. If I were a flavor, I'd be vanilla.

At the age 15, things changed. A strong desire birthed within me to do something meaningful with my life. Dreams of attending university and plotting a career path dominated my thoughts. Looking around at my situation, I quickly realized that Korea was not the suitable place to achieve that dream. I was a frog in a well.

I began to search for what I felt would be the ideal setting to study and to fulfill my goals. My quest soon culminated with New York University. Here was an institution that had all the elements I was looking for as an international student preparing to make a global impact. New York is one of, if not the most, cosmopolitan cities in the world. It thrives with people of various nationalities and ethnicities. Even though the grand stage of New York is a far cry from my home city, NYU's multicultural student body and international focus is exactly the environment where I'd feel at home. In addition, because of its focus, and international campuses, NYU's academic programs offer relevant, and first-hand perspectives on world concerns. That kind of emphasis is a definite advantage for someone like me who wants to understand global economies.

The first step toward achieving my goal was to move to Canada where I honed my English skills and learned to adapt to North American culture. Now, after three years in Canada and as I enter my graduate year of high school, I am ready to embark on the next step toward fulfilling my dream-becoming a student at New York University.

In Korea, I felt like a frog trapped in a well. That's no longer the case. Today I am poised to jump into the ocean and discover new worlds. Author Stephen Covey wrote, "The greatest risk is the risk of riskless living." Choosing to stay in Korea would have been an example of that. I fully recognize that relocating to New York is huge step-like jumping into the ocean-but it is that kind of challenge that will make life meaningful for me. I am confident that when I plunge into that massive sea that is the world, New York University will teach me how to swim.

i don't know. will truth cost you here?
OK. let's say your frog caught in well but what opportunities did you make use of there so that there is something positive in your essay. it shows a person who suddenly dreamed. no that wouldn't work.

are u interested in something... say that... be more NYU's programs.... show interests in their particular education programs....some research....you need to show something.

good luck and i hope this helps....:)

Well, it got my attention when I saw the film Oldboy. What a great film... also, when I learned about taekwondo and its historical development, I though about how cool Korea is.

Hahahaha, vanilla is not boring to someone who is always seeing nothing but strawberry. Eat a lot of strawberry, and vanilla is a welcome change.

Great example, though. I like the way you write.

Let's give this last sentence another comma to make it powerful:
I am confident that, when I plunge into that massive sea that is the world, New York University will teach me how to swim.

I like everything about it! I search and search for ways to improve it because I want to benefit you, but you already did great. Who could read this and not be impressed?

I hope, though, that you'll find room to write about your plan for mastering a particular field and making a big splash as you begin your career. Give the reader a glimpse of your future.

A wonderfully written essay, indeed.

However, I totally disagree with your own assessment of your country. South Korea, while it is small compared to some other nations, has made its own impact on the world stage.

Rather than stating that a strong desire was "birthed" in me, try the following:
A strong desire was born within me...

Overall, it is an excellent essay. I cannot find a lot to improve. You might consider, however, re-writing it one more time, as I have always found that re-writing something, no matter how good, contributes to the overall essay.

Thanks,

Mark

HI EDCHO,

I WAS READING YOUR ESSAY WHICH IS REALLY GOOD BUT NYU IS ONLY REQUIRING 500 CHARTERS FOR THIS QUESTION. I THINK YOU HAVE OVER 400 WORDS.

me21900 is right.

Great essay, well structured, fantastic reasoning behind it. However, there is a character limit and you have exceeded it. You will have to cut down all the superfluous details and just get straight to the point, you want NYU because you want more.