I am going for the topic 4 of the common app essay. As the word limit is 500 words, I need to shorten the essay. Please inform me about the mistakes and help me with it, I will return the favour.
I was made familiar with alchemist chimera through my desire to explore a beautiful yet profound topic named alchemy. Chimera is a half lion, half snake fictional creature which resembles adaptations with a change in environment. It was a character what I always adored and aspired to be one day. I wanted to overturn all the hardships endured and come out stronger as a result.
On yet another day in school,I was sitting in the far end corner of my class, away from rest of the students who wasted no opportunity to bully me. My diffidence and shyness, coupled with my short height and innocent looks, made me a rejected member of the society among my peers. My ambition to become a leader one day made them laugh even louder though I was determined to prove otherwise.
After the class was over, I, ignoring the jokes and sarcasm thrown towards me, was hurrying towards my 'safe spot', an isolated place where there was no sign of another human being, when a teacher accosted me and informed me that the principal has asked for me. A million ideas ran through my mind the moment I heard it. What wrong have I done now? Am I going to be expelled? Is the principal going to call my parents? My journey to the principal's office was the longest walk I remember. I sneaked through the window before knocking on the door to check if there was anyone else present inside. Thankfully there wasn't.
The principal told me she had asked for me because she wanted to interview me for a nomination for the Head Boy of the school. I did not believe it when she told me that. Although my good grades and cordial relationship with the principal led me to believe that I may be able to join the student council but being the head boy of the school was something i never thought about. The interview went well and at the end of the interview I was delighted to find that I was nominated for the head boy elections.
A couple of days after the meeting with the principal were very rough. I had no idea how to convince the students, who treated me like an inferior, to vote for me. It was then that I found an inspiration that portrayed me in the best possible manner. I wish I could say that my inspiration was a great scientist like Elbert Einstein or a prodigious revolutionary like Nelson Mandela but no. My inspiration was Neville Longbottom.
Before I get any further, I feel obligated to mention that Neville is not real. But, to give credit where credit is overwhelmingly due, he comes from the brilliant mind of J.K Rowling, from the universe of her novel series, Harry Potter. Throughout his school years, Neville was mostly a shy, clumsy, introvert boy who became the target for bullies However, in his later years, he showed that he had lots of courage and perseverance as he became the leading figure and played a huge part eradicating the evil. Though, he was not 'The Chosen One' but he played an even more vital role for the magical community by helping stabilise it when its leader was thought to have fled away.
I thought to myself, that if Neville, a fat, ugly boy, can overcome his obstacles which are very similar to mine, then so can I with all my gifted intelligence. I stood against my bullies, gathered a small group of students who faced the same problem and started my campaign with the name of 'Justice for Everyone'. All the bad experiences moulded me into a bold and courageous man and helped me achieving my goal. On the day of elections, I went to the stage and surprisingly did not struggle to deliver a convincing speech. That was the moment when I became free of all my diffidence and shyness and persuaded masses of students to vote for me. And later, when the results of the elections were to be announced, I, for the very first time, believed that I was the new leader of my school and when the principal announced my name, I went to stage to wear the badge and pictured the snake tale attached to me along with hair spread all over my face. I had succeeded. I had become the charisma.
This is the topic
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence
Please point out the mistakes, and guide me about how to condense it. I need to submit it by tomorrow, criticism will be highly appreciated
