Prompt: In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits. (Please answer in 500 words or less.)
I would really, really appreciate feedback on this essay from an outside perspective. I wrote it quickly and it is just a draft, but I wanted to be honest, and I would like the impression of someone who does not know me and can give me their opinion. Also, it is over the word limit and I am worried it comes off too impersonal or idealistic, so I am thinking about scrapping the paragraphs in italics and forming the essay around the rest, focusing a little more on me as a child and how that has influenced me now. Thank you! :)
For the last several months I have pored over books, websites, magazines- everything I could get my hands on, searching for elusive answers to the important questions running through my mind on a single subject: college. I have wondered, researched, and discussed- what are schools looking for? How can I stand out? What can I say, write, do? However, when I consulted my AP Literature teacher, his response had a particularly powerful impact on me by virtue of its simplicity. "Don't do that," he said matter-of-factly, as I listed all the things I thought I needed to include in my applications, "just be you. " I was stunned, and skeptical. But here I am.
I'm not going to tell you I'm the smartest. I'm not. I'm not going to tell you I'm the most outgoing, the most accomplished, or the most talented. I'm not. I am going to tell you, though, that I work hard. I don't just have big dreams, I have big plans, big goals, and every day I am closer to achieving them. I am extremely passionate, open-minded, and I want to learn. I was the girl who read books, Fugitive Pieces, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Nine Stories, in her closet at night, the soft textures of hanging clothes forming the curtain around her secret world as she contemplated, questioned, and imagined. I still am that little girl, I still want to ask questions and answer them, but now I wish to compose my own story after so many years of reading someone else's.
This year, I have been taught many lessons that have and will continue to influence my life daily. After battling with an eating disorder and the choices of one of my parents, I have learned that my battles will not always be clear-cut. Some will be against people I love. Some of the toughest will be against myself. Hopefully, though, most will not be against anything, but for the sake of something in which I believe.
Additionally, one of the most significant things I have learned is a lesson in self-discovery. I have been blessed with a gifted mind, and instead of wishing I possessed the talents of those around me, I have learned to appreciate my own abilities and genuine love of learning. I am happiest when my mind is engaged and active, whether creatively or pragmatically. Embracing this fact has allowed me to approach school, and life, in a new, liberated way.
More importantly, although I still have a ways to go in forging my own identity, this change in perspective has inspired in me a purpose. I want to build a platform to inspire others like me, especially twelve and thirteen-year-olds who would rather read Salinger, Kundera, and Nabokov for hours on end or sit in a coffee shop observing the stories of strangers unfold around them, assigning histories and imagining conversations, than go to the mall with friends. I want them to hear my voice and find the confidence in themselves that I lacked for so long. I want them to know that they are the future, the ones who see things differently, who have the power to change things. They are innovators, and when their classmates are applying to lesser institutions, they will be the ones applying to Yale, where they will have the opportunity to reach their full potential in a community of passionate, intelligent, and curious people around whom they will thrive.
ALSO:
(Please respond in 25 words or fewer to each of the questions below)
a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I'll write about Italian feminism, listening to 2Chainz. I'll gather friends at a foreign film. Inspired, we'll attempt to create a profound portrayal of straw-wrapper snakes.
e. What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?
Battling an eating disorder and my dad's infidelity, I have learned that my battles will not always be clear-cut. Some will be against people I love. Some of the toughest will be against myself. Hopefully, though, most will not be against anything, but for the sake of something in which I believe.
The first response is one word over and the second is twice the limit :/ Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I would really, really appreciate feedback on this essay from an outside perspective. I wrote it quickly and it is just a draft, but I wanted to be honest, and I would like the impression of someone who does not know me and can give me their opinion. Also, it is over the word limit and I am worried it comes off too impersonal or idealistic, so I am thinking about scrapping the paragraphs in italics and forming the essay around the rest, focusing a little more on me as a child and how that has influenced me now. Thank you! :)
For the last several months I have pored over books, websites, magazines- everything I could get my hands on, searching for elusive answers to the important questions running through my mind on a single subject: college. I have wondered, researched, and discussed- what are schools looking for? How can I stand out? What can I say, write, do? However, when I consulted my AP Literature teacher, his response had a particularly powerful impact on me by virtue of its simplicity. "Don't do that," he said matter-of-factly, as I listed all the things I thought I needed to include in my applications, "just be you. " I was stunned, and skeptical. But here I am.
I'm not going to tell you I'm the smartest. I'm not. I'm not going to tell you I'm the most outgoing, the most accomplished, or the most talented. I'm not. I am going to tell you, though, that I work hard. I don't just have big dreams, I have big plans, big goals, and every day I am closer to achieving them. I am extremely passionate, open-minded, and I want to learn. I was the girl who read books, Fugitive Pieces, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Nine Stories, in her closet at night, the soft textures of hanging clothes forming the curtain around her secret world as she contemplated, questioned, and imagined. I still am that little girl, I still want to ask questions and answer them, but now I wish to compose my own story after so many years of reading someone else's.
This year, I have been taught many lessons that have and will continue to influence my life daily. After battling with an eating disorder and the choices of one of my parents, I have learned that my battles will not always be clear-cut. Some will be against people I love. Some of the toughest will be against myself. Hopefully, though, most will not be against anything, but for the sake of something in which I believe.
Additionally, one of the most significant things I have learned is a lesson in self-discovery. I have been blessed with a gifted mind, and instead of wishing I possessed the talents of those around me, I have learned to appreciate my own abilities and genuine love of learning. I am happiest when my mind is engaged and active, whether creatively or pragmatically. Embracing this fact has allowed me to approach school, and life, in a new, liberated way.
More importantly, although I still have a ways to go in forging my own identity, this change in perspective has inspired in me a purpose. I want to build a platform to inspire others like me, especially twelve and thirteen-year-olds who would rather read Salinger, Kundera, and Nabokov for hours on end or sit in a coffee shop observing the stories of strangers unfold around them, assigning histories and imagining conversations, than go to the mall with friends. I want them to hear my voice and find the confidence in themselves that I lacked for so long. I want them to know that they are the future, the ones who see things differently, who have the power to change things. They are innovators, and when their classmates are applying to lesser institutions, they will be the ones applying to Yale, where they will have the opportunity to reach their full potential in a community of passionate, intelligent, and curious people around whom they will thrive.
ALSO:
(Please respond in 25 words or fewer to each of the questions below)
a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I'll write about Italian feminism, listening to 2Chainz. I'll gather friends at a foreign film. Inspired, we'll attempt to create a profound portrayal of straw-wrapper snakes.
e. What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?
Battling an eating disorder and my dad's infidelity, I have learned that my battles will not always be clear-cut. Some will be against people I love. Some of the toughest will be against myself. Hopefully, though, most will not be against anything, but for the sake of something in which I believe.
The first response is one word over and the second is twice the limit :/ Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
