'a good mechanic' - The Ohio State University admissions essay (engineering)

I'm applying to the college of engineering, and advise is appreciated. Thanks.

Knowing a good mechanic is essential if you own your own car, but unfortunately not all of us can find a decent mechanic. It was shortly after my parents got me my first car when it started to have some problems, and rather then pay a mechanic that we have never been to before, I took it upon myself to fix it. Shortly after I fixed that problem, another problem came up, and after I fixed that one, another one came up. I ended up fixing most of the car, until one evening something happened, a noised had developed that sounded like my engine was going to tear itself apart. I was advised by my father that I should just buy a new car and be done with it, but I had put too much time into this car, I didn't want to give up now. The next day I purchased a manual that would show me how to take my entire car apart, and I began my project.

My project took me six months to finish, I had completely disassembled the motor and bought a few new parts as needed. My father decided that it wasn't a good idea for a first time mechanic, or a "noobie" to try and rebuild an automatic transmission, so we had it sent out. Even though I didn't get to take it apart I was keen to learn all aspects of it, and I did. I had read diagrams and articles during my project to help me understand how everything worked, it was fascinating. I was in awe that people had designed something as complicated as an automatic transmission.

Sleep didn't come easy during my project, I found myself thinking of ways to make my car run more efficiently and ways to waste less energy. It was sometime when I was reading about different designs for internal combustion engines, that I knew that this is what I wanted to do. I want to build cars, I want to build cars that wont hurt our environment, cars that are easier to make, and most importantly, cars that are a blast to drive.

I was ecstatic to know that this is going to be my career, that I have finally discovered something that I would wake up early every morning to work on. I have been enrolled in a local community college, and when I first started I lacked direction and decided that I should take time off of school and try to figure out what my major should be. I started working full time for a wood shop cleaning up and maintaining tools, and after a few months I knew that I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life, I also knew that a higher education was my ticket to better things. Even though I had given myself more motivation to go back to school, I still lacked an idea for a major. Determined to be in school I had signed up for basic courses and tested the waters in subjects that sparked my interest. That was until my car project came along and gave me direction.

I believe that I have enough drive and interest in Engineering to succeed in it. I am very motivated by new challenges and solving problems. My goal to become an engineer is extremely important to me, and I am looking forward to beginning the process. I hope someday that someone will have a project to work on something I have built, and that it will inspire them to do great things, as my project has done for me.

you have written good statement

This and another of your recent comments are inane. I hope you're not planning to post yet another essay, justifying doing so with these two useless pieces of "feedback" for other users.

Now, to the statement: The story that starts it is excellent, demonstrating you to be somebody who is exactly the kind of student engineering schools are looking for. But then, when you say "unfortunately too late," that makes it seem like you don't hope to get into the school. Try rephrasing that bit. I know that you are perhaps needing to explain your initial grades and/or the time you've been out of school, but I think you can do so in a more positive tone. Also, the science guy takes us off track. Keep the essay tightly focused on your love of engineering in particular.

I think that the essay's genuineness is great, however I think that the narrative and writing style is a bit, boring.

From the first sentence, I knew where the essay was going. It is because of the way you narrated the essay. I knew the direction this essay was heading, and therefore I was not too interested to read it. Try and include an element of unpredictability, or use some creativity to express yourself, so that readers can be encouraged to read right until the end.

Thanks for your input, ill re-write/re-phrase parts and try to make it more interesting for the reader and post it. Thanks again!