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'good stories in my head' - NYU Supplement essays



Silverbrush 2 / 7  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Could someone help? Check for grammer, contradictions bad word choice and overall review please!!!

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

There are a thousand good stories in my head, and the reason they've not printed on paper is the reason I'm applying to NYU. It's fear. A book is the culmination of an Author's private thoughts spilled out to the public; after all, it really kills a writer when the effort in his words doesn't please his intended audience. I'm hoping NYU can heal fear. I write so many versions of the same story I need some really, really smart Shakespearian Einstein to teach me what's good enough, when my writing becomes perfection. NYU has the best teachers, the best authors, and I want to learn from the best to surpass the best. If NYU can rate the poignancy of every word I know, I will know which words to use in my writing. After graduation, I want to know the confidence of famous men publishing art, and when I finally do, people will stop quoting Salinger and start quoting Dylan R. Tan.

tcohen 1 / 24  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
There are a thousand good nicer word than good? stories in my head, and the reason they're not printed on paper is the reason I'm applying to NYU. It's fear. A book is the culmination of an Author's private thoughts spilled out to the public; after all, it really kills a writer when the effort in his words doesn't please his intended audience (awkward sentence) . I'm hoping NYU can heal this fear. I write so many versions of the same story I need some really, really smart Shakespearian Einstein to teach me what's good enough, when my writing becomes perfection (this sentence is awkward and makes you seem like you're not creative... which I am sure you are). NYU has the best teachers, the best authors, and I want to learn from the best to surpass the best. If NYU can rate the poignancy of every word I know, I will know which words to use in my writing. After graduation, I want to know the confidence of famous men publishing art, and when I finally do, people will stop quoting Salinger and start quoting Dylan R. Tan.

Hi Dylan, I really like the end of this essay because it comes across confidently. However, the rest does not put your talents into as bright of a light as it should. I also think that somewhere in the essay you should write exactly which major and school at NYU you are applying to.

Hope this helps! Good luck


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