MSU Prompt:1. Michigan State University recognizes that an assortment of interests, viewpoints, and life experiences are important in student learning and enhance the university community. Describe an experience, passion, or characteristic that illustrates what you would contribute to the MSU community and how this will add to the overall richness of campus life.
The essay has surpassed the word limit which is 400 words...Please judge this as if you were an admissions staff officer and tell me what impact does this essay have on a reader...
It was a bright summer day of the Indian subcontinent, "Azad" house had put up a low score of 65 runs from 10 overs on the scoreboard .It had to therefore restrict "Gandhi" house from reaching a 66 to engrave its name on the inter house champions trophy, and since I was the team captain everyone focused their eyes on me. At a time when all my team coaches and the senior players were of the opinion to use all the pace bowlers, I made a radical decision to use the spinners and the pace bowlers simultaneously. For a time being everyone thought that I was going to blow it up, but in the end my decision proved right and we grabbed the trophy .This experience in my school introduced me to my leadership and managerial capabilities of mine and after a couple of few more such experiences, I understood that I was very much inclined towards leading and managing a group of individuals towards a common goal.
Moreover, my dad owns a construction company. Right since childhood, I would never leave a chance to accompany my dad to the construction site. I always loved to see my dad, instruct the engineers and architects while working on the blue prints and watch the workers lay bricks, cement the walls skillfully, the masons lay the tiles on the floor with geometric precision and as a result I was introduced to a whole new avenue of construction management an art in itself and realized how interesting this field is. As early as during my high school years when students normally know nothing about construction except that some bricks and cement are used in it, I was already familiar to some of the terms and concepts of pre-construction, construction and post construction phases, budgeting, cost estimating, designing, brick work,hand over,etc.
Thus, with this familiarity with my future career, and with my leadership abilities and friendly nature, I am a very sociable person. This attribute of mine, as demanded by my career, has been of great help in allowing me to easily mix in a group of different people. Also, when the tsunami hit southern parts of India in 2005, many schools including mine took up initiatives to raise funds and help the people whose lives were devastated by the disaster. I was the leader of my team and we gathered good public support for this cause and also raised a considerably large sum as a donation. Thus, these kinds of responsibilities for issues concerning the society is what I consider to be my plus point. Moreover, I have volunteered for various organizations for different causes and also took up community work in our area. I therefore wish to carry on these activities of volunteering, participating in various organizations and helping people in whatever way I can even at MSU. In addition to this, I would love to make friends and explore different cultures and traditions of the diverse community assembled at the campus and acquaint them with the rich customs and traditions of India.
In prompts like this, it would best to focus on one individual experience, passion, or personality trait. While what you have is great, there is little "impact" on the reader since all 3 paragraphs seem broken up and not as inter-connected as you seem to think. Trust me, I would do the same in my earlier essays. Good luck!
It's good, but a little "rambly" if that's even a word. I would say stick to one particular experience and elaborate on it-talk about how it touches multiple aspects of your life. Best of luck!
This is my revised version
MSU Prompt: 1. Michigan State University recognizes that an assortment of interests, viewpoints, and life experiences are important in student learning and enhance the university community. Describe an experience, passion, or characteristic that illustrates what you would contribute to the MSU community and how this will add to the overall richness of campus life.
I am born and brought up in India, a land where language developed, sciences grew and culture took shape. India, the land which taught mankind to dream, has played a great role in shaping my dreams and aspirations. Indian culture has taught me to be humble and respect others opinions and views. This has earned me the admiration and trust of my friends and family. Therefore, this trait has been an essential characteristic in honing my leadership skills and I hope that these abilities make a positive difference to the MSU community in some or the other way.
Moreover, my father owns a construction company. Since childhood, I would accompany him to the construction site and see him instruct the engineers and architects, while working on the blue prints and watch the workers lay bricks and cement the walls skilfully. I couldn't help but wonder while seeing the masons fix the tiles with great geometric precision.Right since high school, I was introduced to Construction Management and was already familiar to some of the terms and concepts of pre-construction, construction and post construction phases, budgeting, cost estimating, designing, brick work, occupancy certificates,etc. These experiences have made me familiar with the various facets of the construction industry and have exposed me to real life management operations within the industry. I hope to exploit this distinguished point of mine in my future classes to grasp the concepts quickly and share my experiences with my classmates.
Lastly, I am a very sociable person and love meeting new people. This quality has been of great help in allowing me to easily mix with different people. Also, during festival times like Diwali, Ganpati, Holi, etc., I have been taking up responsibilities of different functions and Pujas in my locality. I have been a part of various student and cultural organisations throughout these years. Furthermore, I have also volunteered at the Shree Surgical Hospital as a Front Desk Assistance Executive. These experiences have contributed greatly in polishing my communication skills and making me a good public speaker. I therefore wish to carry on these activities of taking up responsibilities, volunteering, participating in various organizations, oration and helping people in whatever way I can, even at MSU.
Lastly, I would love to make friends and explore different cultures and traditions of the diverse community, assembled at the campus and acquaint them with the rich customs and traditions of India.
