Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[TOEFL] - living on campus in a dormitory is the best choice to live the campus life.


janetyang 1 / 3  
Jun 7, 2012   #1
Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house off campus. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

----------------
In life, everyone needs a place to come back after a hard day, to relax, to rest, to live. With students who are far from home, there are many choices; they can live in apartments, houses off campus, or dormitories. In my opinion, I prefer to live on campus in a dormitory.

Deciding to live on campus or off campus means you are far from home. There is no rule or no one to tell you what to do, or to keep you from bad things. Hence, you need rules to make sure you are not get in troubles; because of your easy-going campus life. For example, if you live off campus in a house or apartment, you are free to hang out at midnight. However, if you live on campus in a dormitory, it is impossible to do that because there is rule to stipulate the time you can be outside.

Secondly, in any society, there are many complicated kinds of people. Thus, living on campus can restrain you from meeting bad guys, criminals. Moreover, people who live on campus are your schoolmates, if you get in troubles with them; it can be solved easier than with strange people. Therefore, dormitory on campus is a much safer place to live than in an apartment or house off campus.

Finally, living on campus in a dormitory is more convenient for students. For example, you can save you time going to school. Moreover, the environment of campus is more quiet and peaceful. This makes your study better because you can easily focus to your homework. If you live off campus, you can be distracted by shopping malls, game centers, pubs, or bars.

In conclusion, living on campus in a dormitory is the best choice to live your campus life.
----------------
Is this essay ok? Please give comments. Sincerely thank you for your help! :)

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Jun 7, 2012   #2
As I tell many of the students whose work I examine, BE MINDFUL OF REPETITION. It is important to determine which point are valuable enough, (if any to be repeated). There is a slight stray from structure here, so see if you can further or re-organize your thoughts in a more clarified way. Following the three key principles which are : Strong opening statement, an appropriate length of information to support this introduction, and a consciously conclusive and finalizing closer.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 8, 2012   #3
I think Susan has provided you with very important advice :)

Hence, you need rules to make sure you are not get into troubles (no colon here) because of your easy-going campus life.
OP janetyang 1 / 3  
Jun 8, 2012   #4
Thanks for your comment! :) It's really helpful to me. I'll try to improve my writing and rewrite this. :D


Home / Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] - living on campus in a dormitory is the best choice to live the campus life.