My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 / MIT - Family

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

words in essay - 244
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Fifty years ago, Surat, the city I live in, was a dream place for many villagers of Gujarat as it opened up many jobs in diamond manufacturing industries. My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 and started his career as a worker in one of the diamond manufacturing company. With is knowledge and intelligence, he has established his own diamond business.

My grandfather is not a high school graduate; in fact, none of the elder is a college graduate. As a result, education is considered with great respect in my family as well as in my society. From childhood I was determined to achieve a proper complete knowledge education, and my keen interests in studies have made it possible so far.

My grandfather has a special affectionate towards me. Thus I have decided to graduate from a world best engineering college to esteem my grandfather's love and support towards me. I want to become the best engineer of world and make my grandfather feel proud.

My family is a joint family and consists of my parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, sister and two cousins. I my family we share our feelings with each other and support each other. I have always admired the helping nature of my family towards others, and my motive of engineering, that is to facilitate the life of people, has been inspired from this helping nature. My feeling towards my family and especially my grandfather has designed my dreams.

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Please give suggestions

Hello,

This essay will certainly get you rejected from MIT. While you have good intentions here, this essay is very weak and is filled with too many grammatical errors. What you are doing here is telling a story. As much as we love stories, a 250 word limited essay is not a place for them as you just do not have time to fully develop one. Because of this, you need to provide short bursts of powerful statements that show lessons learned from your family. You then need to use these lessons learned to justify why you desire to study engineering. If you do this, you will be able to produce an essay that will be worthy of admissions to MIT.

Hope this helps.

Dear Kevin Jackson

Please help me to complete my essay. I need to apply in MIT within just 2 days, please provide me a sample MIT essay as soon as possible.