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'Grandpa no longer with me' - UC Prompt 1 - Patience, Perseverance, Passion



Rypto 3 / 5  
Nov 9, 2009   #1
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

If I were to generalize my take on life, I can say that it is filled with challenges much as it is filled with joys and opportunities.

I was born and raised in Mumbai, India till I was eight. I was blessed by being a part of a family which foundationally believed in the principles of love and respect. Given that, everything was always well. Hmm, mostly true, but not entirely.

My earliest memories are from being somewhere between five to seven years old. They include me having an early understanding of the reality that while living an amiable life, everyone around me seemed to be coping with some sort of a challenge or struggle. I observed the 'normal' challenges: stress at work, traffic, and the like, common to a life in a rusty metropolis of a developing nation. And then I observed the not-so-normal case with my dear grandpa.

My grandpa is no longer with me; he died when I was merely seven. See, at age 30, he was diagnosed with Advanced Muscular Dystrophy, which translates to a slow and progressive death. He was bedridden during his last 13 years, seldom moving beyond a few inches. His body parts failed one at a time. Painfully, slowly, yet surely. Nevertheless, he lived an enriched life till his last breath, one filled with smiles, love, and compassion while secretly enduring pain and never succumbing to sorrow. Patience and perseverance were his strongest set of virtues. My grandma says these enabled him to fulfill his passion of embracing simple living, high thinking and doing everything to make others happy.

My lesson from my experience in growing up with my grandpa was simple, yet one which strongly molded my character and approach to life. Challenges and struggles are inevitable when following a passion. But with patience and perseverance, one can surmount them and succeed!

At eight, I immigrated to the United States with my parents. During my initial time here, I coped with the culture changes and challenges with living in a new country and different environment. These included making new friends and adapting a completely different learning style at school. The later stage also saw me growing in the highly academically challenging Monta Vista High School. All through this time, my mind related these challenges to those of my grandpa. I obtained comfort, even courage, in believing that I will succeed with patience and perseverance. And I did!

Since many years, my heart has set on a medical profession. It's mainly an outcome of my experience living with my grandpa. Having seen him suffer so long, my goal is to reach out and make a difference in the lives of those ailing. I plan on succeeding based on my own virtues of patience and perseverance while following this passion closest to my heart.

I think somewhere along this journey is my grandpa waiting to hold my hand and see me through. And together, we will succeed!

Any and all criticism is welcome! Thank you in advance.

xxgraceanxx 5 / 8  
Nov 9, 2009   #2
I think your introduction and conclusion are really good! Good luck with your application!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 10, 2009   #3
If I were to generalize my take on life, I can say that it is filled with challenges much as it is filled with joys and opportunities. -----> I think it has to be: If I were to... I would.

Actually, I do not like that first sentence at all! How about something a little more suprising and interesting. "Generalize" is a bad word for a first sentence... it lacks personality!

Juice is a good word for a first sentence. It has personality. But it is hard to find a reason to write about it!! Try being creative and finding better words to start with. I don't like the opening sentences! :)

Also:

I was born and raised in Mumbai, India until the age of eight. I was blessed by being a part of a family which foundationally believed in the principles of love and respect.


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