ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
As a child growing up in Chicago and Oak Park, Illinois with parents running their own graphic design firm, I was exposed to the business of design at a young age. Although I was never pressured to pursue graphic design, my fascination with the creative process only grew as I progressed in high school. I loved the concept of design because I found it fascinating how a designer can convey a message through colors, pictures, and type. Graphic design has given me a way to express myself in other ways than words and I cannot imagine expressing myself as effectively any other way. I have strived to increase my exposure to the world of visual communications in any way possible through attending photo shoots with my parent's firm or taking design courses outside of school. At my high school I made sure I took any classes available based on graphic design and other art classes that would help my development as a well-rounded artist. I cannot wait to reach the college level courses where I will be surrounded by people who feel the same way about art and design. I am looking forward to pushing myself harder than I ever have and I am positive that University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign will be the place for me to do so. I strongly believe that the resources the university has such as the Krannert Art Museum and talented professors will help me reach my full potential as a graphic designer. I hope that with my knowledge and insight I will gain from attending University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign would cause me to succeed in the field of design.
ESSAY #2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
The summer before going into freshman year at Oak Park River Forest High School I was not sure what I wanted to be involved in, until I discovered field hockey. A few friends of mine had been playing the sport for a while and enjoyed it so I decided to try it out. At first I was frustrated because everyone had already played before, except me. The tryouts two times a day the last week of summer were brutal in ninety-degree heat and it was the hardest I had pushed myself physically. I worked through the tryouts to make the team Junior Varsity B along with all the other freshman. At my school the field hockey team has a reputation of being a family and that is exactly what it has become for me. Throughout the countless hours I spent with the girls on the team I befriended girls I would most likely never talked to. From freshman to sophomore year and junior to senior year a few girls quit but I knew I wanted to stay on the team to prove to myself I could succeed in something so physically demanding. Although, I may not be the best on the Varsity team, I try as hard as I can to get there with the support from the players that have become some of my closest friends. Being on a team where every player's goal and expectation is to win the Illinois High School Field Hockey Association number one title every year is a great experience. From playing field hockey in high school I have gained a family, teamwork skills and a desire to work hard for my successes. I know that the determination I have with field hockey will translate to my schoolwork and to college.
Wow! Those are great. Definately U of I worthy. Just a few things, "I befriended girls I would most likely never HAVE talked to"... also, the sentence "Being on a team where every player's goal and expectation is to win the Illinois High School Field Hockey Association number one title every year is a great experience" is a bit wordy. You could remove the "every year", and you should probably explain why it is a great experience. It sounds kind of like you just wanted to throw in the name of the competition. But otherwise, I can't find anything wrong.
Also, I'm from Chicago too. Chi-town! =)
comma:
Graphic design has given me a way to express myself in other ways than words, and I cannot imagine expressing myself as effectively any other way.
plural: my parents ' firm or taking design courses outside of school.
The second essay has a lot of unnecessary details, and it seems kind of superficial. I like the first essay a lot.
For the second one, can you take out some details and express the situation in two sentences only?
After that, dive deep into the issue by going further into your reflection... not on events, but on what you can observe about human nature, what it makes you want to do, how it relates to your professional field (or subjects of intellectual interest)... and so on.
You have 300 words for that second essay, so express these ideas in 2 concise sentences, and spend the rest of the essay exploring the significance.
***An essay of 300 words will often be about 3 paragraphs (with 4 or 5 sentences in each paragraph).
