"Growing up in a small town" - it's about leadership

Here it is, it's still in the first draft stages. It's about living in a small town and taking advantage of the limited opportunities it has.

Growing up in a small town has always motivated me to take advantage of all the opportunities I come across. I worked hard all the way up until high school, that's when academics really started to matter. I was right on track and I had all the right classes, but I knew I needed to do more with myself. I didn't know it at the time, but I was destined to lead and take action. Things sort of took off for me sophomore year. I applied to be in the leadership class at the last minute and was gladly accepted. Initially I had joined just because I would have friends in a fun elective class. I quickly learned that I loved organizing and putting together events and being involved with all of the school's events. It gave my whole high school experience a new dimension, and I never looked at the high school the same way again. The next year I was accepted into Student Government and was appointed the Technology Representative. This new position opened me to the life of the performing arts at my high school and it also gave new responsibilities. I would go on to perform alongside some of my best friends in the spring play of that same school year. I was taking advantage of all these newly discovered opportunities, and in April I would make the biggest leap of opportunities. I decided to run for Senior Class President at Red Bluff High School. At first I was skeptical, but I was determined to take on the challenge. The new experience excited some new creativity in me and I experienced a self-motivation like never before. Nobody was telling me to run for Class President, but I chose to run and I was determined to win. The hard campaigning paid off in the end and I was voted the Senior Class President for the Class of 2011. I was very proud of my achievement as were both my parents and the rest of my family. I couldn't wait to hear about all the new responsibilities and opportunities that would open up to me because of my hard work. People voted me into this office and I want to give back to the school by being a great president. As senior year started to near I realized that I needed one last thing to make my mark at this high school so I decided to start a club. I didn't have too many male role models growing up so I wanted to start a club that dedicated itself to producing well-adjusted men with good morals and attitudes on life. The league of Extraordinary Gentlemen was born and it quickly grew into something people got excited about. The year is only halfway in, but I am already excited for someone dedicated to continue the club after I leave. I chose to be a leader to make my mark, to take a stand, and to take and make opportunities.

Thanks in advance for your help!

you say that the essay is about "living in a small town and taking advantage of the limited opportunities it has." but you don't mention it past the first sentence.

idk if you want that to be really magnified in your essay or not, but if you do, you should write more about that cuz the rest of the essay sounds like a regular high school.

you should say something along, " i leave my mark" rather than " i make my mark" that way it gives the impression that in a way you would sort of be the role model for the next year kids so they continue what you started.

you should also make it two paragraphs, rather than one big one. probably start the new paragraph here, "I was taking advantage of all these newly discovered opportunities, and in April I would make the biggest leap of opportunities. I decided to run for Senior Class President at Red Bluff High"

overall it's a pretty good essay

Awesome thanks for the advice, I also thought the first sentence seemed out of place. I'll replace it with something more relevant. something like this "Ever since I was young I knew that my life would not be full of opportunities and to go anywhere I would have to take advantage of the opportunities I did have and create some new ones." I also changed the mark thing.