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Habit of Eating Local Food Shaped My Attitude Towards Life - Prompt 1 Common App



JJREDICK 2 / 3  
Oct 23, 2015   #1
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 word limit)

Hi, I don't have good writing skills since English isn't my first language. I know that my essay contains many grammatical errors and ambiguous sentences. However, I'd very much appreciate harsh criticism about whether the contents of my essay are addressing the prompt properly and whether it is redundant or not?

Any form of criticism is appreciated. Thanks :) Planning to submit this by Nov 1 :D

Why look for good food in opulent restaurants, when you can look for good food in local kiosks. That's what most people seem to miss, but not me. I regard cheap local culinary adventure as lucrative as gold-hunting and enjoy sitting at these stalls smelling the mixed aroma grilled kebabs, fried rice, and meatball soup. When other people are busy making reservations at a five-star Italian restaurant, I'd be huddling up in a line ordering spicy tofu in a street kiosk. When my friends order Stuffed Crust Pizza or Big Macs for their birthday feast, I'd order Balinese Suckling Pig or Javanese Lamb Satay for mine. Although seemingly menial, my penchant for local food remains an inseparable part of my identity.

This habit of enjoying local delicacies highlights my growing up in a modest economic background. My parents are just humble proprietors of a small interior workshop, but proud owners of big dreams. With all their might and grit, my parents worked hard to pay my expensive tuition fees at an international school, carrying hopes that my siblings and I are able to live a better life compared to them. Excluding the exorbitant spending on education, we would live on a very tight budget. Feasting at a fancy bistro is considered a luxury. Hence, our culinary recreations would instead be held at the nearest night market. I remembered how, sitting on a plastic stool beside a street full of food vendors, my family and I voraciously ate a bowl of bakso (meatball soup) while still able to be sharing laughter and happiness. Perhaps due to this reason, the olfactory sensation coming from the street vendors reminded me of the hard work and sacrifices my parents made for me, reminded me to study hard when I feel tired, reminded me to never lose hope on myself because they haven't lost their hope on me.

I recalled the "nasi bungkus" I had for lunch yesterday. How throughout the years I've grown acquainted to eating this particular local food at school. Although I initially hated the monotonous flavor of the dish, my discovery of its inner value eventually led me to embrace it. The sight of my "nasi bungkus" reminds me of my parents self-less dedication to ensure I receive the best facilities for my future. Through this sudden epiphany I am taught to gladly relish every mouthful of yellow rice entering my mouth and open-handedly receive every bit of tempeh and chicken strips that would be chewed by my impatient molars. In other words, I succeeded in making the most "utility", as economists would say, out of my humble "nasi bungkus". This newly developed attitude inadvertently affected my outlook upon my life. I was able to overlook my past failures as it has been blinded by the overwhelming positivity of my life. I'd walk with a straight back, and a positive look, and confidently say "I couldn't afford it" when my friends invite me to eat at a fancy restaurant. However, what my attitude towards local food taught me most is that whether I'm served a plate of searing tenderloin steak or a can of cold baked beans, I would do what I will always do. Give Thanks.

Hargun003 4 / 27  
Oct 23, 2015   #2
I regard cheap local culinary adventure as lucrative as gold-hunting and enjoy sitting at these stalls smelling the mixed aromas grilled kebabs, fried rice, and meatball soup.

Very well written, and your English is really good, you misunderstood yourself!! The personal touch in the second para is good, but it would be great if you could make your last paragraph more simple. Otherwise it is really nice! :-)
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 23, 2015   #3
Wow Jeremy! You really surprised me with this essay. It is an excellent background narrative. It perfectly ties in your upbringing, family background, and love for food with your development as a person. Seriously, don't change anything about the theme of the essay. It is perfect for your purpose and ties in well with your other essay. I can sense you are trying to start a theme here :-)

Anyway, let me try to jump in with some language improvement. I think that is all that is left to clean up here unless you have some concerns you would like to take up with us here regarding the content of your essay :-) This will be in paragraph form as usual.

-------------

Par. 1:
That's what most people seem to miss, but not me.
I regard A cheap local culinary adventure
When WHILE other people are busy making reservations at a five-star Italian restaurant,
I'd be huddling up in a FOOD-line , ordering spicy tofu in a street kiosk.

Par. 2:
My parents are just humble proprietors of a small interior workshop - Do the reviewer a favor and explain what you mean by an interior shop. He may not be familiar with it.

With all their might and grit AND DETERMINATION, my parents worked.
our culinary recreations would instead be held at the nearest night market.MY PARENTS CALLED IT GOOD FOOD AT AN AFFORDABLE COST.
my family and I voraciously ate a bowl of bakso (meatball soup) while still able to be sharing STORIES OF laughter and happiness.
reminded me of the hard work and sacrifices my parents made for me, AND reminded me to study hard when I feel tired,
reminded me to never lose GIVE UP hope on myself because they haven't lost their hope on me.

Par. 3:
I recalled the "nasi bungkus" I had for lunch yesterday.
How t Throughout the years
my discovery of its inner value eventually led me to embrace it. - What inner value was that?
to ensure I receive the best facilities EDUCATION AND CHANCES for my future.
Through this sudden epiphany I am WAS taught to gladly relish every mouthful
In other words, I succeeded in making the most "utility" FULLY UTILIZING , as economists would say, out of my THE humble "nasi

This newly developed attitude inadvertently affected my outlook upon IN my life.
and confidently say "I couldn't afford it" when my friends WOULD invite me to eat at a fancy restaurant.
OP JJREDICK 2 / 3  
Oct 25, 2015   #4
Hi Louis and Hargun,

I thank both of you so much for the positive output. I've made the suggested changes. However, I'm concerned whether the third paragraph is repeating the second paragraph in another way.

I've tried to simplify the third paragraph. What do you think? Is it simple enough?

I also wanted to achieve a dramatic ending in the last sentence of the essay by using a two word sentence. But I fear the sentence and its preceding sentence is too awkward. How should I make the changes?

Once again thanks for the output :)))) !!

Ultimately, what my attitude towards local food taught me most is that whether I'm served a plate of searing tenderloin steak or a can of cold baked beans, I would do what I will always do. Give Thanks.


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