'Happiness on a Platter' - Common App, Activitie Short Answer

Hi this is my common app essay and I was wondering if this is good/decent/bad. Please I need honest review

Thank you so much!!!

Happiness on a Platter

With all the ingredients laid out in a symphony of delicious colors, its amazing what you can make. For me, cooking is not a task, instead, it is a pass for me to explore a world filled with ideas and possibilities. As I pour the fresh tomato sauce into the pot, the odor of delicacy tickles my nose and I can only imagine what I could add. I start off by adding my favorite ingredients: shrimp, broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic. However, while stirring my sauce, a long green hook vegetable catches the corner of my eye. As I debated, whether or not I should try spicing up my dish, the further I thought, my curiosity only grew. In the end, I sliced the jalapeno pepper and dropped it into my pot. After I poured my tomato sauce onto my noodles, doubt started to fog my mind. Without any hesitation, I picked up my fork and got a good swirl of noodles and placed it in my mouth. My taste bud turned into a sky full of fireworks as each bite sparked in my mouth. As the spiciness abated in my mouth, my feeling of success penetrated my feeling of doubt as I reached down for a second bite.

With all the ingredients laid out in a symphony of delicious colors, it' s /it is amazing what you can make.


I don't think you should use present tense since you're using past tense for the rest of the essay.
I suggest:
As I debated, whether or not I should try spicing up my dish, the further I thought, my curiosity only grew further .

Uh, you used present tense initially and then you changed to past tense. I think you should keep it consistent throughout the essay.

As I poured the fresh tomato sauce into the pot, the odor of delicacy tickled my nose and I can only imagine what I could add. I started off by adding my favorite ingredients: shrimp, broccoli, carrots, onions and garlic. However, while stirring my sauce, a long green hook vegetable caught the corner of my eye.

I enjoyed reading it; you must me a great cook! Comment on my essays too please:)

Hi! Your essay really makes me hungry! You're very good at writing since you bring out the imagery of cooking very well. However, just keep in mind that most essays will talk about personal growth and it's not very explicit in your essay. You might want to talk about how cooking has helped you developed as a person. Anyway, this is just my opinion, you're entitled to write your essay any way you want. =)

Do you mind looking through mine? Thanks!!

I agree with Lishan - I love the imagery and details, but perhaps relate it back to how cooking relates to your topic and yourself. Did it help you look at the world in another way? Why is it important to you. .. etc.

Good luck!