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"Hard work and relationships" - Samfords Role



shelbysteward 1 / -  
Oct 19, 2010   #1
Please attach to your application a personal essay reflecting your values, experiences and goals. With these in mind, what role would Samford play in your future? This personal essay helps Samford become acquainted with you as an individual in ways different from courses, grades, test scores and other objective data. In addition, it provides a measure of your writing ability and critical-thinking skills. This personal essay will be used in conjunction with objective data when determining admission status. Your personal essay should have a minimum of 250 words.

Throughout my four high school years, I have been taught a lot. I have learned how to build a truss bridge out of balsa wood, how to use the quadratic formula, and the names and major accomplishments of all 75 presidents. But above all the facts, I have realized the importance of hard work, determination and relationships. As I move on to college, I plan on strengthening these attributes and using them to reach the goals I have set for myself. With a strong Accounting program, dedicated professors and a strong basis for developing a deeper relationship with Christ, Samford has the ability to play a huge role in my future and help me use these values to accomplish my goals.

Hard work has the power to determine someone's success. It shows how far someone will go to reach their dreams and just how much potential someone has. I value the attribute of hard work very much. Juggling school, work and sports has not been easy, but it shows the benefits of working at something and how much you get out of it. Hard work will come into play a lot in college. I hope to pursue a degree in Accounting. As I have advanced in math, I realize how much I enjoy analyzing and calculating numbers and I believe I would be very good at it. Samford would provide me with an excellent program to pursue my desired career path. The Brock School of Business has made many accomplishments in the Business world and also offers amazing opportunities to intern in and around Birmingham as well as internationally. The accessibility to the "Big Four" Accounting Firms also would enhance my experience of working in the real world and applying what I have learned while in college. Also, with intelligent professors and a student to faculty ratio of 12:1, I would be challenged by my peers as well as rigorous curriculum. There is no chance to sit back and listen, but rather the opportunity to be active in class discussion. Together, with high expectations and a challenging course load, my ability to work hard will surely be tested. This though, will surely only make my endurance stronger and encourage me to do my very best.

Another important trait to have is determination. While having the natural ability to succeed in something can be very helpful, having the determination to finish something when it gets hard can be even more of an advantage. This past year, I have developed a love for running. I have never participated in cross country or track, only in volleyball which doesn't require any running abilities at all. It focuses more on high you can jump, rather than how far you can run. As the distance I can run has increased, I see my capacity to push further and harder has grown. I enjoy seeing myself improve and find a sense of satisfaction when I reach my goal. In January, I plan to run the Disney Half Marathon. This will be the true test of my determination. But, as I was pondering the significance of determination in running, I discovered that it can crawl its way into other aspects in life as well. As I go through hard lessons in Physics or difficult concepts in economics, I find myself determined to grasp new ideas. In college, even more will be presented to me and here I will be able to continue to be relentless in my studies.

When it comes to being successful there is one thing that is necessary that you can't develop on your own, relationships. Relationships help to strengthen other qualities a person has and develop new ones that wouldn't be possible if two different personalities with two different sets of abilities hadn't met. College is known for helping people develop lifelong relationships. With a strong campus community, Samford provides excellent opportunities to develop strong relationships between students which is important because it helps to create a family like atmosphere. Being miles away from home, relationships built through service opportunities, social events, clubs and bible studies would help to encourage me to work my hardest and stay determined to be successful in college. These relationships also promote involvement in the school which can drive people to accomplish things they never would have imagined. By being surrounded by friends and faculty that care, Samford would help to continue a sense of need for relationships and advance my ability to relate with others as that can come in very handy in both personal and business realms.

Just like high school, College presents many opportunities to excel academically. While this is a crucial factor in deciding on a college, the kind of development of certain values and traits can contribute just as much to success. With hard work, determination and strong relationships among peers and faculty, my next few years spent at Samford would be full of improvement and triumph. This in turn would continue to develop a capable, compassionate and committed person in me.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 23, 2010   #2
Hey, this intro is very strong. You have a nice way of carrying the reader's attention along.

I hope to pursue a degree in Accounting.--- you hope to, or you intend to? I think hope is a weaker word than necessary here.

This is a nice place for a colon:
When it comes to being successful there is one thing that is necessary that you can't develop on your own: relationships.
But what does this have to with the thesis statement? Actually, I think the thesis statement is about how important hard work is, but that is too simple. I think you should add a sentence to that first paragraph to discuss the combined theme "hard work & relationships." That is a cool combination, and it can make your essay unique if you express it as your theme.

Don't capitalize college: Just like high school, College presents many opportunities to excel academically. ---- and actually, this is a statement of the obvious! Kill it! It has no place in the essay. :-)

Keep the same verb form: This in turn would will continue to develop a capable, compassionate and committed person in me.

:-)


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