how hawaii has fueled my interest for stanford

The purpose of this prompt is "Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you".
Please give me your feedback and tell me how to make this stronger!

As I rested my body on a moss filled rock in the Hawaiian rain forest, I struggled to comprehend how this diverse atmosphere fits so well with the violent volcanic eruptions of Kilauea Iki. The delicate patter of the rain, the vibrant ferns, and the colorful native species intertwine with the ominous crater floor and hardened lava to create an atmosphere that is the epitome of nature. Reflecting back on my trip to Hawaii, I am reminded of an individual's obligation to preserve the beauty in nature. Learning how nature has an incredible impact on all culture around the world, I found that it was my duty to give back to nature and culture. Stanford is an institution flourishing with various academic programs and organizations that do more than provide an education. With its small classes and dedicated professors, it truly inspires the students to foster their intellectual curiosity and use it towards the public good. I would like to be a part of a university that is committed to education for mere pleasure. In the next vital four years of my life, I intend to develop a strong foundation to be an effective member of society. I am confident that Stanford will propel me to accomplishing my goals. With incredible programs like the Haas Center of Public Good and the ability to form your own student groups, Stanford feeds into a world that honors community. The feeling I received when walking among "Pele's tears" was one that mirrored the inspiration that filled my bones when I walked Palm Drive. Stanford is more than an educational institution. It is a cohesive community that will be my launching pad towards a life filled with bold and daring action.

Amanda,

I've read your essay three times.You have some good points,but many of them are saying why you want to go to college and not specifically Stanford.

Also,your opener is somewhat off the mark.The prompt asks you to say why you want to go to Stanford,yet half of your response is a discussion of the beauty of Hawaii.Be wary of irrelevance.

Research more about Stanford to get more info that is very specific about Stanford,then try to link your interests,goals and values to what stanford has to offer.In a nutshell,adress why you are a good match for Stanford.

Good luck!

Sounding a little brochure-ish here!

How about if we revise this so that it does not talk about the nice aspects of the school, but instead specifically how the school's programs and resources will help you to achieve3 your goals.

If you are not sure about your goals yet, just set up some tentative ones. That is always a good exercise. Do that, and the essay will reflect your vision for the future.

I really like your last sentence and several other sentences... you have a great writing style! Use it to help good prevail in the world! :-)

Stanford is more than an educational institution. It is a cohesive community that will be my launching pad towards a life filled with bold and daring action.

change it to...

Stanford is more than an educational institution, it is a community that will be turning my dreams into reality.

I second Kevin's insight. You have great details but talk more about what you hope to achieve in the world besides the obvious. You're a good student, you hope to do lots of things but what are those things you'd like to achieve?

You have great voice and style!

Best of luck! :)

And if you have time, I'd love to hear your feedback for my Common App essay. :)