open topic essay
please edit grammar, spelling add or change things
in the first paragraph i wrote about my encouter of a homeless woman and her child
this is the 2nd paragraph from my college admission essay
This situation was similar to the predicament my mother and I had endured years earlier, which was at the start of my middle school years. Although we were fortunate enough to not have to sleep in the streets, we did sleep in our car. As a result of my mother's job lay off, we were evicted from our home, which left us homeless. It was impossible for us to live with our family, since they lived in another state. The drive from California to Louisiana wasn't ideal, plus, I had already started school. I never went from school to school but after my mother sold her car to pay for a motel room for a couple months, I did have to live place to place. When the money ran out, we slept on her friend's couches. However, this did not affect how I did in school though. I was an A and B student who got upset when I received a C on my report card. My mom eventually got a job. We were then able to get a place we could call ours, with beds we could sleep on, instead of the uncomfortable couches.
In the next paragraph i wrote about volunteering in organizations and clubs that help homeless people
this is my forth paragraph
This year at my high school, I am planning with the help of my fellow Student Advisory Board (SAB) to start fundraising to get our student body involved in helping the less fortunate. This project is to prepare backpacks to give to the local homeless people. In these backpacks, will be essentials things that people use daily such as toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, feminine products and etc. SAB is hoping to prepare at least 75 backpacks that are completely filled to donate. And we also hope to establish this as an annual project; which each year the goal and the amount of backpack prepared are higher.
"Although we were fortunate enough to not have to sleep in the streets, we did have to sleep in our car."
"However, this did not affect how I did in school though ."
"I was an A and B student who got upset whenever I received a C on my report card"
"SAB is hoping to prepare at least 75 backpacks that are completely filled to be donated ."
AndW e also hope to establish this as an annual project,with a goal that each year, the amount of backpacks prepared increases.
I think it's okay, but there's not much for me to comment on. You should post the whole essay, I'd be glad to be of more help:)
Comment on my essay too, please!
