I need help to nail my common app essay about my background for Hamilton College

The morning sun streaks across my room and I'm waking up from another dream. Yes, I am on the road, once again it seems all that's left behind is a chain of broken thoughts of last night's dinner. We are gathered for dinner as usual. Tatenda my elder brother, suddenly bursts into laughter as I could not let go off my cup of cappuccino after I took the last sip. What is the laughter all about? Such is the character of my family in the midst of hard times; smiles on the face of hunger.

Dating back to 2008, Zimbabwe faced one of the worst economic depressions. Mother is a teacher at a local primary school and father is self-employed. Were it not for the love and wholesome being of my family we would have allowed defeat to take over. It is 5am and everyone is ready .Again Tatenda bursts into laughter as my rumbling stomach sets everyone on pause. 'Oh my God!' I cannot wait for our brunch in 8 hours' time. With this feeling that together as one we will sail ashore I grabbed the shovel as I put on my gumboots. We are ready to go to our small farm.

Again it is 8pm and we are gathered for dinner as usual. The characteristic laughter and jokes suddenly come to a halt in the blink of an eye. Why the unusual dead silence now? Grandfather has been admitted at a private hospital in Harare. I cannot believe it's his sixth in just 2 months. Some of the meagre earnings from farm sales had to cover the high medical bills. Once again it is a heavy blow on my brother and I. Without the full complement of school fees we were going to miss school on Monday. However, the high GPA's and Aces gave my parents the courage to send us to school. Challenges came our way but they did not separate us. My parents did not divorce and we were always happy because love kept us bound together.

During my childhood I only played with my brother and I was not used to playing with other kids of my age. The people around me were always those of my family. With this in sight and mind I began to have this feeling that family is only the people of my blood line. It was until I got to high school that I derived the other definition of family.

One of my personal values is the welfare of others. During my senior years in high school I joined Gokomere Living Rosary Association. The mandates of this club is prayer and giving back to the community. One thing that was common to every member and that kept the group together as one was giving back to the society. We incorporated the school kids from the local primary school into the club. As the president of the club I spearheaded projects to raise funds to buy stationery for these kids. Everyone enjoyed the weekend sports at the school's playgrounds as well as the annual visits to Mutemwa (a religious place in Zimbabwe where lepers are kept and pilgrims go there for prayer). Through such interactions and love the kids, some orphaned, actually found family and home in the club and so did I. I began to understand that even none related people are family when they share things in common. The club reminds me of the core values of family and life; happiness, love and sharing which I experienced in my home on the dinner table.

As my mind flashes back the images of these two distinct families I am reminded of how lucky I am to be part of them. I do appreciate them. Maybe the dinner laughter keeps us happy and maybe the orphan at Gokomere Primary School wishes love just like any other child. Being a boarder in high school with no blood relatives I nurtured my own independence. I faced challenges, I was motivated. I was in the midst of people from different backgrounds, I was humbled. I drew strength from these families. I became stronger.

Dating back to 2008, Zimbabwe faced one of the worst economic depressions. Mother is a teacher at a local primary school and F ather is self-employed (You are using "Father" as a name)

My parents did not divorce and we were always happy because love kept us bound together. This line seems slightly cliche. Perhaps take out the divorce part.

"During my childhood I only played with my brother and I was not used to playing with other kids of my age." <-- This sentence might sound better as: During my childhood, my brother was my best companion. You do not want to sound like you had trouble communicating with others.

In the paragraph about the Gokomere Living Rosary Association, you should emphasize more the intimacy of the interactions you felt with that activity, rather than mostly stating what you did. Although you touched on it in the last few sentences of the paragraph, it should've been done throughout that paragraph.

Your last paragraph is direct and I can feel your passion. However, the last few short sentences may be excessive and some don't flow well into the next. I like the effect they have, but you may have overdone it. If it was me, I would change it to: I faced challenges but stayed motivated. I was humbled to be in the midst of people from different backgrounds. I drew strength from these families. I became stronger.

Overall, I like how your brought together the two "types" of family you have been a part of. Your story is unique and interesting and you have impressive writing and story-telling skills. Definitely an essay that caught my attention.

If you get the chance, can you look over my Cornell essay? Thanks.