"All that I am or ever hope to be" - College Essay

As Abraham Lincoln once said, "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother". My mother has significantly influenced me by placing me in an environment she only dreamt of as a child. Coming from India to the land of possibilities, where no family resided, at the age of twenty-eight was a risk of a lifetime. She had nothing more than a suitcase of clothing, $2,000, and a four year old child for whom she had left her family and friends behind in hopes of a prosperous upbringing. My mother knew that raising me in an area of extreme poverty and crime would not be beneficial for me. She came to the United States solely based on ideas she perceived from watching and reading American movies and novels.

For the next six years on American soil, she dealt through working two jobs a day, morning and night, and college in the day time. There were many times when I would over hear conversations about going back to India because of the loneliness, stress, and last but not least, pressure. My mother made a promise to me that we would move out of our one bedroom apartment, into a single family home and I would go to college. After fourteen years of outstanding commitment, admiring hard work, and glorious dedication, I sit here in our single family home, writing a college admission essay to one of the most reputable universities in the country. Not only did she follow through with that promise for me, but she influenced me to never settle for anything less than your dreams.

The people that get to know us best, from our virtues to flaws, are our parents. They have the greatest influence in our life because they are the people we see the most and have known for the longest. They sacrifice many luxuries in order to give their children the best life possible. My mother's ability to improve our life has inspired me to always try my hardest to get the best out of mine. Thanks to her, I have more opportunities than she had at my age. I believe that if my mother was able to achieve such a comfortable life with very little to start out with, I should be able to do the same because of all the advantages I have compared to her. My mother's story makes me realize that there are no excuses for me not to reach my goals. My dream of being a successful independent man will become a reality if I constantly work and fight for it.She showed me the dedication it takes to be successful, the perseverance it takes to stand tall when falling down, and the strength it takes to stay strong when the weight of the world is heavy on your shoulders. She has influenced me in every aspect of my life; education, relationships, and friendships. It's my turn to chase an endless endeavor.

HELP ME PLEASE!! be critical... I need perfection

It sounds like your mother has a very unique story and, just from reading your essay, I can already see why she has gained your unwavering affection.

The only worry I have is that many people see their mothers as 'role models' for the exact same reasons that you do. Talking about the influences she has had on you or the sacrifices she has made for you without mentioning specifics gives admissions officers a vague idea of what your mother has done specifically that have impacted you as a person. One thing you might consider is describing perhaps a specific conversation you heard or a certain instance of your mother's stress that you remember clearly. I think this would more efficiently illustrate the life you have grown up with and would allow admissions officers to see you as unique.

I like the quote by Abe Lincoln though. If I were you, I would keep it.

very good essay, i think however, you should tie your thoughts more at the end
this will help increase the affect of structured writing

thank you so much!!! i love the help.