'Hospital hallways' - supplement- Academic goals

Hi, i really need help revising this essay. Please let me know what you think!

Nursing and Hospital

A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

As I walk through the hallways of a hospital, I feel the certainty that one day I want to work in one. Thinking about all the babies that are born sick everyday gives me the need to do something to help them go home healthy. Every person comes to the world with a purpose and deserves to live their life. I find that as a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, I will be able to fulfill this desire of giving newborns the chance to live. It is a career that gives me the chance to change people's lives on a daily basis. I am interested in finding opportunities that allow me to develop a career built not only from scientific knowledge, but spiritual values as well. In the city of New York, I can find a variety of places to gain career experience, resources that will help me academically as well as personally, and find plenty volunteering options. Doing these things will help me become the kind of person that I want to be and eventually become a good nurse. Becoming an outstanding Neonatal Nurse Practitioner is my biggest and most important goal in life; therefore I hope to attend a distinguished nursing school such as the NYU College of Nursing.

Karina, focus the essay on the academic programs and training / internship offerings of NYU for this essay. We do not need the narrative of how you feel as you walk hospital hallways. What we need, is to know how NYU can help you fulfill your dream of becoming a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. What is it about the curriculum offerings of NYU that interest you? What student activities does your major offer that will help you become the kind of Neonatal Nurse Practitioner that you hope to be in the future.

At the moment, your essay veers more towards a shortened version a personal statement. The only reference to New York in the essay, pertains to the city and not the university. As much as possible, you should not talk about the learning experience in the city because the city is not the academic institution that you will be attending. It is a mere backdrop in the big picture of your pursuit of academic excellence. So focus more on the university and less on the city and your dreams as you walk hospital hallways. That way, you really inform the reviewer about the prompt requirement.

You should perhaps mention the issues related to unborn babies and how you would fight for their rights to live as well...