I wrote this transfer essay for the common app, and I was hoping you guys could give me some advice on coherence and flow. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
The assignment is "Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve"
A human's most noble act is to create. When humans invent and innovate, our potential is infinite. It is because of engineers that the barrier of our potential is constantly broken.
I want to transfer because engineering is my passion. I want to design new trains, planes, reactors, computers, anything; to forge the technology of tomorrow, today; to frame new ideas that we won't understand for decades. As long as I am building for the future, the observable universe is the limit.
My main focus in on 3D printers because it may be as important to the world as was the development of the internet. With capabilities of printing clothes, food, and even organs, 3D printing has the potential of improving any and every industry. For the last few months I had the privilege of creating simple yet detailed objects with a 3D printer. By just playing with the printer, I created a skull, pyramid, and dodecahedron speaker. It is unbelievable how quick and precise 3D printers can get enough so that it can make whole factories obsolete. My goal is to help develop the 3D printer so that it can one day be available for everyone where it will improve and accelerate the standard of living.
Unfortunately, my current university, Baruch College, a business oriented school, does not offer an engineering program. I chose to attend Baruch because I was accepted into Macaulay Honors, which is a wonderful program that offers full tuition, a stipend, and a free laptop; however, after a semester of business courses, I felt unhappy, bored, and disconnected with the college. With my mind still focused on engineering, I substituted/transitioned most of my courses to the sciences and mathematics in the hopes of completing some engineering pre-requisites. Though only one month has passed since the semester began, I am much happier and more interested in my new classes and would love to continue them.
Besides engineering, I am also interested in getting away from home. I want to become more independent and less reliant on my parents because they won't be there when I'm off on my own. I want to dorm because I think it's crucial to a memorable and enjoyable college experience. There isn't going to be any other time in my life where I will grow, succeed, and live with like minded individuals.
If I am given the opportunity to transfer, what I'm looking forward to the most are the people. While Baruch is a very diverse school, most students are from New York City. I would like to meet people from around the world like the West Coast, Europe, Africa, and Asia; I want to engulf myself in their customs, traditions, and beliefs. I live in the most connected generation yet, it's time I start connecting with the world.
I have the passion, I know the destination, and I'm ready for the people, but all that's left is the school. Baruch is good, but I'm looking for great.
The assignment is "Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve"
A human's most noble act is to create. When humans invent and innovate, our potential is infinite. It is because of engineers that the barrier of our potential is constantly broken.
I want to transfer because engineering is my passion. I want to design new trains, planes, reactors, computers, anything; to forge the technology of tomorrow, today; to frame new ideas that we won't understand for decades. As long as I am building for the future, the observable universe is the limit.
My main focus in on 3D printers because it may be as important to the world as was the development of the internet. With capabilities of printing clothes, food, and even organs, 3D printing has the potential of improving any and every industry. For the last few months I had the privilege of creating simple yet detailed objects with a 3D printer. By just playing with the printer, I created a skull, pyramid, and dodecahedron speaker. It is unbelievable how quick and precise 3D printers can get enough so that it can make whole factories obsolete. My goal is to help develop the 3D printer so that it can one day be available for everyone where it will improve and accelerate the standard of living.
Unfortunately, my current university, Baruch College, a business oriented school, does not offer an engineering program. I chose to attend Baruch because I was accepted into Macaulay Honors, which is a wonderful program that offers full tuition, a stipend, and a free laptop; however, after a semester of business courses, I felt unhappy, bored, and disconnected with the college. With my mind still focused on engineering, I substituted/transitioned most of my courses to the sciences and mathematics in the hopes of completing some engineering pre-requisites. Though only one month has passed since the semester began, I am much happier and more interested in my new classes and would love to continue them.
Besides engineering, I am also interested in getting away from home. I want to become more independent and less reliant on my parents because they won't be there when I'm off on my own. I want to dorm because I think it's crucial to a memorable and enjoyable college experience. There isn't going to be any other time in my life where I will grow, succeed, and live with like minded individuals.
If I am given the opportunity to transfer, what I'm looking forward to the most are the people. While Baruch is a very diverse school, most students are from New York City. I would like to meet people from around the world like the West Coast, Europe, Africa, and Asia; I want to engulf myself in their customs, traditions, and beliefs. I live in the most connected generation yet, it's time I start connecting with the world.
I have the passion, I know the destination, and I'm ready for the people, but all that's left is the school. Baruch is good, but I'm looking for great.