I'm gearing up to submit the Common App and my supplemental package this Tuesday, so any help on this transfer essay would be greatly appreciated. In particular, I wonder whether reference should be made to my learning disability and if I might be missing anything important; it also seems to lack flow. In addition, the essay appears rather dry compared to a few other posters (i.e., it has no soul!), but maybe that's an asset.
Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Although I come to the University of XXXX with several objectives, my primary goal here is an academic one. After several years of lackluster performance in high school and college I was diagnosed with a learning disorder. Having overcome this adversity through therapy, developing alternative learning strategies, and a dedication to improve, my grades witnessed a markedly upward trend, with all of the courses I completed in the last five/few years receiving "A" or "A-" grades. Renewed confidence in my academic ability pushed me to undertake a condensed, five-week course ("XXXX") at Harvard Summer School on the medieval literature of Central Asia this previous summer, for which I received an "A" grade. This challenging course also prepared me for study as a non-degree student at XXXX this spring semester, where I am currently taking "XXXX" with Professor XXXX and "XXXX" with Professor XXXX.
While I will always be a "life-long learner," I am now in the position to commit to full-time coursework at the University of XXXX and complete my bachelor's degree. Following my graduation from XXXX Community College with an Associates Degree in Liberal Arts in 2007, and several years in the workforce, it became apparent to me that a bachelor's degree is necessary to achieve my long-term academic and career goals. To that end, I am applying to XXXX in hopes of completing a bachelor's degree in Classics, with minors in Legal Studies and Middle Eastern Studies. Studying under Professor XXXX this semester has peaked my interest in the history and literature of Late Antiquity, an aspect of classical civilization I first encountered in my travels to the Mediterranean during my education interim. The unique aspect of research that Professor XXXX brings to the Classics department at XXXX distinguishes it from other comparable programs in the area, and serves as a resource I'd like to utilize in a senior thesis if admitted to the Honors Program. Ultimately, I would like to pursue either graduate school in late antique/Byzantine studies (or a related field) or law school, after graduation; a bachelor's degree in Classics provides excellent preparation for both paths.
I am certain that my professional experience, which has taught me invaluable lessons in work ethic and time management, worldly experiences and the mature background of a non-traditional student, would contribute significantly to the classroom and the diversity of the university community and academic life generally at XXXX. As my transcripts demonstrate, I have performed well and increasingly better over the past few years, and I am convinced that I can meet the academic challenges presented by study at the University of XXXX. I am ready to begin study at XXXX, finish my degree and continue to advanced, graduate-level study. As a first-generation college student, the prospect of completing a bachelor's degree at the University of XXXX is exhilarating.
Generally, this is solid. However, and me being in the same boat as you with the common app's transfer essay, I feel there is something I want to hear from you, that even though I know it, I wonder if you know why.
Why do you need a bachelors?
I'm struggling with this myself. I have an associates too.
But I feel they would want to hear a simple statment on that -- even if its a one liner. We all know the why, but jsut cover your base so no one has to 'wonder' why that was left up to the wind.