The image is still vivid and crystal clear in my memory and the noise, that particular noise still haunts me. It seems like yesterday that I came across a horrifying glimpse of reality. While waiting for my school bus to arrive, I heard a shrill scream coming from the tea stall nearby. It was the scream of a boy of barely eight being lashed up mercilessly by his master, probably because he dropped the tea tray- spilling the scalding tea around. The poor boy was crying and shouting for help. Apparently no body took a notice of him because they were too "busy" sipping their cup of morning tea.
The above example demonstrates human rights violation and child labor. Equity is defined as the quality of being fair and impartial. But in the 21st century as seen in my community, India, it has a different meaning to it. The ideal meaning of equity in a community will only arise when social evils such as child labor, violation of human rights, patriarchy, caste system and suchlike are eradicated. Equity will only occur with education. In India, with the current literacy rate being 74.04%, education will play a pivotal role in eliminating social evils, thus prospering equity.
Should i add how lehigh's education will benefit me etc?
Please give your suggestions, I'd really appreciate them! :) Thanks
you should write It seems like yesterday when I came...not "that'
thank you!!
It's really well written but I would work on the last couple sentences. You need a transition to make your point about the education because the way it is right now it seems like a non-sequitur. Also, the ending is somewhat abrupt. Otherwise, it's really eloquent. I love your writing style. The first paragraph is really strong.
Hey Thank you so much for your inputs! :D
how do I elaborate my point on education? Since it is a 200 words essay, the first essay of the two essay supplement, I want to adhere to the word limit.. :|
because he haddropped...
The ideal meaning of equity in a community will only arise when social evils such as child labor, violation of human rights, patriarchy, caste system and suchlike are eradicated.
The ideal of equity in such communities will only be accomplished when social evils such as child labor, violation of human rights, patriarchy and caste system are eradicated.
Yes, do add how you will benefit from the education you receive, and how you will go about improving the situation.
Right now, it sounds like a paragraph from a humans rights advertisement(especially the second para). Make it more personal; show more of your character.
The above example demonstrates human rights violation and child labor. Equity is defined as the quality of being fair and impartial. But in the 21st century as seen in my community, India, it has a different meaning to it. The ideal of equity in such communities will only be accomplished when social evils such as child labor, violation of human rights, patriarchy and caste system are eradicated. In my opinion, equity will only occur with education. In India, with the current literacy rate being 74.04%, education will play a pivotal role in eliminating social evils as due to education people will realize its detrimental effects on the society which hampers the survival of mankind. Hence, education is the panacea for every social wrong.
would this make a better essay?
Please help! please help!
Thanks for your inputs levitator :)
The above example demonstrates human rights violation and child labor. Equity is defined as the quality of being fair and impartial. But in the 21st century as seen in my community, India, it has a different meaning to it. The ideal of equity in such communities will only be accomplished when social evils such as child labor, violation of human rights, patriarchy, caste system and suchlike are eradicated. In my opinion, equity will occur with education. In India, with the current literacy rate being 74.04%, education will play a pivotal role in eliminating social evils as with education, people will realize the callousness of social evils as education would help them differentiate the right from wrong. Therefore, to win the battle against the discriminatory society, if we choose education as our armor, the victory is bound to be ours.
I edited that one, is this good?
