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Humane Environment; Northwestern U TRANSFER/ UNIQUE QUALITIES


eminemya 8 / -  
Apr 15, 2008   #1
Q:
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern University, and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying, that make you want to attend Northwestern? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

A revised version
Again, thanks a lot: )

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern University, and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying, that make you want to attend Northwestern? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

SPOT LIGHT 1: scientific spirit +humane accomplishment

--the harmony state I aspire to attain

Compared with other famous universities in the US, Northwestern University puts more emphasizes on the integrity of the modern elites. In China, many universities pay less attention to social subjects like history and psychology for Science major students. What they care most is about publishing papers on <<Nature>> and training job-hunters.

But I believe that a college student should learn to become a person with responsibility and good sense before craving for success. Thus the "balanced" education provided by Northwestern University becomes vital in shaping one's mind and thinking pattern.

From high school, I began to feel extremely hungry for knowledge in social science. From Jacques Derrida's decomposition to the capital market dynamics, I indulged in the world parallel to the grandiose structure of natural science. Even towards the days of National College Entrance Exam, I still spent hours on my favorite topics which have no relation to test scores. After class, when others were still striving in maths problems, I used to sit under the flourishing baian tree alongside the road to experience the pleasure of critical thinking myself. But I found myself gradually losing this kind of impulse submerging in the atmosphere of studying for GPA in the university.

Thus, Northwestern University's extensive courses and the environment of humane flavor exactly support my indulgence in unrestrained thinking which will take the advantage to soar over the chasm among different subjects.

SPOT LIGHT2: Kellogg School of Management

---the place I want to chase the dream of my life.

Under my father's influence, an international manager with a finance degree, I have developed a strong interest in this area. When I was young, my father inspired me to think about the economic phenomena happening around. Those daily events which I used to take for granted shocked me by its "invisible" but orderly operation mechanics. After reading classical works in economics, I was began to construct my own theory to explain the world history and politics. But what attracts me most is the chaotic behaviors in the adventurous financial world. Regardless of the chances of making money in Wall Street, I'm determined to find out the truth of currency exchange trading.

Also, I felt great responsibility to devote to constructing the financial order of my country. Growing up in the time of peace, most of the young generations haven't realized the potential disaster behind the prosperous lives.

It is widely believed that "God's hand is clearly visible in the order of mathematics." In order to explore the financial laws in Kellogg School of Management, I'd like to major in mathematics in Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences first.

SPOT LIGHT3: Dance Marathon

--the activity I'd like to join in most

Besides the atmosphere of study, I was greatly fascinated by the exhilarating campus life in Northwestern University, especially dancing. I'm a diehard enthusiast of rock band and hip-hop dancing and most of my leisure time in junior high was spent in a noisy band room imitating "popping" moves from my peers. Thus Dance Marathon struck me as a crazy idea which I can't wait to try out right now. Also, I have a strong passion for public services and charity causes. From an early stage, I have become an active volunteer in the community. My friends and I used to sell festival decorations on Christmas Eve to raise money for the orphan nearby. And I was one of the sponsors to collect donations for the Tsunami in the south Pacific in high school. Therefore I hope to make my own contribution to coordinate the donation festival which could be designed more attracting.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Apr 18, 2008   #2
Greetings!

You've done great things with your essay! Only a few of the phrases need a little minor adjusting. Beginning with paragraph 1:

"emphasizes" - emphasis

"grandiose" - you might want to look up the definition of this word; I'm not sure it's what you really mean

"But I found myself gradually losing this kind of impulse submerging in the atmosphere of studying for GPA in the university." - But I found this impulse being gradually submerged as I studied hard to keep my GPA high.

"the environment of humane flavor" - the humane environment

"which will take the advantage to soar over" - which will have the advantage of soaring over

"Under my father's influence, an international manager with a finance degree, I have developed a strong interest in this area." - I developed a strong interest in this area under the influence of my father, an international manager with a finance degree.

"about the economic phenomena happening around." - about economic phenomena.

"shocked me by its "invisible" but orderly" - use "their" instead of "its"

"I was began to" - I began to

"to devote to constructing" - to devote myself to constructing

"generations" - generation

"early stage," - early age,

"I have become" - I have been

"orphan" - orphanage

"Therefore I hope to make my own contribution to coordinate the donation festival which could be designed more attracting." - Therefore, I hope to make my own contribution by coordinating the donation festival, which could be more attractively designed.

You have very good, convincing essays. I wish you the best of luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com


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