The idea that the livelihood of the family may not sustain us longer, not allowed me to sleep

It's midnight and I hear the footsteps of my dad going to the kitchen after a hard day of work, I get up from my bed and seize those fifteen minutes available for dinner with him and share anecdotes about school and work. Once in bed , the idea that the livelihood of the family may not sustain us longer, not let me sleep.

One day my sister and my mom came home with a couple of shakes, I asked them where they had purchased those shakes, they responded excited that a health club was giving free shakes, The health club was part of a company that sold vitamins and supplements where you could make money by becoming a distributor. Then they began to talk about success stories that hit me by their beginning both the business and their motives. Without hesitation I told my mom to take me to the health club. This was an unique opportunity that could not be taken lightly and which would provide me some capital to help my dad with the household expenses and the probability that my dad would had only one job.

Immediately, my mom took me where she went, we entered to a small suite in a plaza that at first sight it seemed more like an office than a health club. A man with a cheerful personality welcomed us. He asked us the reason of our visit. In my anxiety to start working I went straight to the point, and I asked him for a job.

Without delay the guy started explaining me the process to become a member, the point was clear and concrete to earn money I needed to sell the product to everyone, at anytime, anywhere. At first glance it looked like a double , people was everywhere, so it wouldn't be a problem to talk with people. Then I received my membership and a set of manuals that would help me to know more about the products and the company. I felt blessed by this opportunity, it come when I most needed it.

A few days after getting accepted in the job, a little voice in my head was telling was supporting me to go outside and sell those vitamins and supplements. I had a responsibility and every minute worth it. Excuses did not become a barrier, transportation was not necessary to reach more people when you can walk and knock on the doors of every single house in my neighborhood.

I offer the product to almost every single house in 4 blocks, but unfortunately no one seemed interested in buying, I returned home with morality tatters, but then so I suddenly saw my dad resting on the sofa before going to his second job. I Asked myself "Why I'm doing these?, What's the reason of this job? it might not be the easiest work in the in the world, but the effort is worth it.

I realized that when you have a reason that reason gives you a goal and when you have a goal you would do anything to reach it. Discipline and perseverance are the tools for a better future. I don't want to say someday " why I did nothing?".

It seems that you are an international student, I am too. I dont think I can do much but I'll try to correct some of your grammar :)


You may want to start your paragraph in past tense because the essay is mostly narrative style.

One day my sister and my mom came home with a couple of shakes. I asked them where they had purchased those shakes, they responded excitedly that a health club was giving them for free shakes . The health club was part of a company that sold vitamins and supplements where you could make money by becoming a distributor. Then they began to talk about success stories that hit me by their beginning both the business and their motives. Without hesitation I asked my mom to take me to the health club. This was an unique opportunity that could not be taken lightly and which would provide me some capital to help my dad with the household expenses and the probability that my dad would had only one job .

Immediately,M y mom took me where she wentto the health club . w e entered to a small suite in a plaza that at first sight it seemed more like an office than a health club. A man with a cheerful personality welcomed us. He asked us the reason of our visit. In my anxiety to start working I went straight to the point, and I asked him for a job.

Without delay the guy started explaining me the process to becoming a member; the point was clear and concrete to earn money I needed to sell the product to everyone, at anytime, anywhere. At first glance it looked like a double , people waswere everywhere, so it wouldn't be a problem to talk with peoplethem . Then I received my membership and a set of manuals that would help me to know more about the products and the company. I felt blessed by this opportunity, it comecame when I most needed it.

A few days after getting accepted in the job, a little voice in my head was telling was supporting me to go outside and sell those vitamins and supplements. I had a responsibility and every minute was worth it. Excuses did not become a barrier, transportation was not necessary to reach more people when you canas I could walk and knock on the door of every single house in my neighborhood.

I offered the product to almost every single house in 4 blocks, but unfortunately no one seemed interested in buying it , I returned home with morality tatters., but then so I suddenly saw my dad resting on the sofa before going to his second job. I Asked myself "Why I'm doing thesethis ?, What's the reason of this job?" it might not be the easiest work in the in the world, but the effort is worth it.

I realized that when you have a reason that reason gives you a goal and when you have a goal you would do anything to reach it. Discipline and perseverance are the tools for a better future. I don't want to say someday " why I did nothing?".to be asking myself someday, "Why did not I do something?"

I hope these corrections helped you. I may not have been able to correct all the mistakes, I did the ones I could. Hope you get better help! :)