"the ideal foundation to build my interests" (science, history)- Why Georgetown Essay

Topic: Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study?

Okay, this isn't really finished but I've been beating myself about this essay...I'm skeptical as to how I'm addressing the prompt. Should I just delve into my interests and stuff right away or keep what I'm doing? I think I'm going to address how Georgetown is still known for its catholicism but manages with so many Islamic, Jewish, and etc activities on campus as opposed to other schools...not sure if this is a good idea or not. Please help me finish this essay!!! Thanks.

It was a peaceful summer day, one of those days anyone could appreciate. I sat along side the Potomac River, staring out from the Franklin D. Roosevelt memorial to the Washington Monument. A cool breeze pressed against my face, adding to the serenity of the moment. It was strange to feel wind in the capital after having experienced a week's worth of heat and humidity. The unusual presence of the wind led me to believe that the wind represented something. Maybe it was the wind of change. Maybe it was just meant to be a good day. Whichever it was, the wind was harmonious. It was peculiar to think that not so long ago, sectional differences made the very spot I sat on a boiling pot of war.

Georgetown University, at the time of the Civil War, was a fresh university bent on the pursuit of truth and knowledge like all universities before it. However, it was marred by the divisions that embodied this national conflict. Students came from the North and the South to attend Georgetown and ended up fighting each other during this crisis. When the war ended, the national identity was restored, and at Georgetown, the Blue and the Gray were combined to create the famous insignia it holds today. It was a symbol of reunification, one in which I truly appreciate.

Georgetown University has this distinct history that reflects vulnerability of our nation. It is a history that I know I would be proud to call my own. It is a history that I know is unique among many others. It is a history that I know would drive me to accomplish my goals. For this, I am interested in studying at Georgetown University. I am applying to Georgetown University with the intent of majoring in political science and history

In my upbringing, my father spoke of relevant issues. He was always ready to criticize or praise public figures whenever necessary, primarily looking at how much good such figures were doing for society. Listening to him prompted me for a future that would benefit society and me. My goal is to help society in the best possible way, which for me is through studying political science and history. As I witness our country become ever more divided by the growing issues of today, I know I want to be a part of the solution. In order to do that, I must be well-versed in the moments that defined our country and I also must find ways to suit my involvement in society, whether that is through something grandeur such as governmental administration to something humble such as community-based organization.

With a history of predominant division followed by struggling unity, I feel as though Georgetown would be the ideal foundation in which to build my interests.

Hello,

I have graded your essay and it received a score of 70/100. This is an "ok" grade, but your essay needs to be stronger. The main problem that I have with your essay is that it reads as a history lesson. Georgetown doesn't need you to give it a history lesson. The AOs are all aware of the rich history of this institution. The prompt asks you to tell them how Georgetown(the reasons why you are interested,) will help you in achieving your career goals. Since you want to be a Political Science major your options are virtually unlimited. Spend more time talking about the contributions Georgetown has made to the arena of Political Science. If you do this with any success, your application essays should be successful. If you need help doing this, we can help.

Hope this helps.

Thanks!! Yeah, I knew my approach was about iffy...I'll try to be less expository about this.

This is my favorite question, because it challenges kids to make a plan.

One word: alongside

It was peculiar to think that not so long ago, sectional differences made the very spot I sat on a boiling pot of war.--- This first paragraph does not seem to read like a history lesson. It draws me right into the scene.

It was a symbol of reunification, one in which that I truly appreciate.

It is a history ----I think you should not repeat this phrase, but instead vary your sentences.

You write very well! Let's just make an adjustment with the BODY paragraphs and the INTRO&CONCLUSION. I think you should lengthen the conclusion, and also add a sentence to the end of the intro so, and in both of these places make it so that you plant an idea in the reader's mind that will be the main message of the essay.

You can take unnecessary details out of the body paragraphs to make room for these important "message" sentences in the intro and conclusion.

:-)
With a history of predominant division followed by struggling unity, I feel as though Georgetown would be the ideal foundation in which to build my interests.