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Proud "Hoya Saxa" slogan. Why Georgetown? -----Computer science and more

anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Jan 9, 2016   #1
APPLICANTS TO GEORGETOWN COLLEGE: Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study? (If you are applying to major in the FLL or in a Science, please specifically address those interests.) (1 page approximately)

Mathematics and science are integrated into my life; not only are they emphasized in the Chinese education system, but such process of solving puzzles not limited to numbers and formulas also fascinates me. However, I often regretted about my lack of mastery in computer science when I could not contribute to the database building in the local environmental organization. When I decided to pursue higher education in the U.S., I was at first surprised by Georgetown's massive history and magnificent architecture style. But then, with abundant resources inside and outside of classroom that perfectly satisfy my pursuit of CS study and environmental protection, I believed that my dream to become a citizen computer scientist would be realized here.

As an international student whose mother language is a lot different from English, I always wonder if I will get lost in classes with hundreds of students. To my surprise, Georgetown has kept and been developing a small-size, solid program for prospective students. The relatively small department size by not means limits course offerings; instead, the department has provided introductory and in-depth courses in a variety of areas, including database systems, data mining and networking that draw my curiosity. In terms of further investigation, as courses in graduate level supplement those designed for undergraduates, I am able to take advantage of the comprehensive computer science curriculum in Georgetown, as an amateur, with boundless opportunities to get to know the burgeoning academic field. In addition to thought-provoking lectures and seminars, due to the high teacher-to-student ratio, even not as professional as seniors and graduate students, I will still be encouraged to participate in the inspirational interaction with the world-class faculty who excels at teaching and researching, and diverse fellows thirsty for knowledge like me. Since exchange of ideas has always been the key to success in the Internet age, during team project as well as independent study with the CS&E club and programming team, I will be prepared to handle problems on my own and also lead a whole group towards favorable outcomes. By cultivating such camaraderie as a part of academic preparation, the CS community, though in a larger campus, lets its special atmosphere of inclusiveness, supportiveness and innovation prevail. The bona fide friendships developed in 4-year college life will turn out to be enduring bonds between us when we step on the real society.

When I found the Program on Science in the Public Interest, my heart was instantly filled with excitement. The most globalized university located in the capital of the United States, got me thinking, why not learn from such international exposure and approach the growing environmental issues at a place where I can obtain first-hand information on relevant policies and industries? In this regard, the SPI program would help me to connect multiple disciplines and departments in Georgetown, such as departments of chemistry and biology, the Georgetown Center for the Environment and the Georgetown Program on Science, Technology and International Affairs, thus creating a unique path for me to analyze and tackle environmental issues. The community based learning through volunteering in DC leads me to various culture and perspectives by practicing knowledge absorbed from school. After seminars, Congressional Visits and internships with numerous company partners of the SPI, I desire to launch a student project on environmental sustainability, playing my role in the team as an initiator and programmer. This time, what I could do is far beyond setting up a database, but a brain that is ready for any challenge. All those endeavors, I am sure, will become intellectually rewarding and somehow improve the world I am living in.

Allen Iverson, my favorite basketball player among starry alumni of Georgetown, taught me to never lose myself to a slump. That is a quality shared by the Georgetown family and an important reason for beginning my journey here. With the proud "Hoya Saxa" slogan, I just want to embrace every morning and experience moments that will gradually complement my personality and illuminate my future.
Saputra Putra 23 / 10 6  
Jan 9, 2016   #2
1. I often regretted about my lack of mastery in ...
2. inside and outside of the classroom that perfectly ...
3. Since the exchange of ideas has ...
4. ... camaraderie as a part of an academic preparation
justivy03 - / 2366 607  
Jan 9, 2016   #3
Jize, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay by starting to ask you
you to put yourself as a reader of your essay. Don't you think it's a little too much for an
application essay? What the essay is asking is basically, the reason why you chose Georgetown College
and a few information why you chose the subject or the course you want to take under their guidance.

Now, I suggest rewriting your essay with the following guidelines;

- reflect on your academic goals
- focus on the reason of your choice "why Georgetown College"
- what are the attributes of this college that will not only benefit you academically but
more importantly, will benefit you as a person.

Lastly, with all the goals you have in mind, in return, what can you do to help the Georgetown College community,
what can you share to make a change.

Don't get me wrong, I know that you have this idea in your essay, it's just a matter of restructuring as well as redirecting

the focus of your essay. I hope my insights help and I wish to see your revised essay soon.
OP anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Jan 9, 2016   #4
Hi Ivy, although compared to other "why essay," this one for Georgetown seems long. But it is characterized as a "long essay" with the "personal statement" in terms of admission. So I think I may have to write a lengthy version. As for the guidelines you suggested, I thought I actually to some extent had the structure when I wrote about the essay. Here is my outline.

1st paragraph: reflect on my experience and goals--- to become a citizen computer scientist

- reflect on your academic goals

2cd paragraph: Georgetown College's CS department and the study environment that attracted me.

focus on the reason of your choice "why Georgetown College"

3rd paragraph: A special program based on Georgetown's unique location and well-rounded resources helps me connect science to environmental protection.

4th: ending

As for

what are the attributes of this college that will not only benefit you academically but
more importantly, will benefit you as a person.

I think this idea is contained in the last 3 paragraph.

Since it is a bit long and I am confused with the structure problem, I thought I may need your assistance to restructure. Anyway, thank you, Ivy!
justivy03 - / 2366 607  
Jan 9, 2016   #5
Jize, sorry about the confusion but what I would like to emphasize in my remarks, is that this essay is meant to focus on
the answer to the question why Georgetown, an in depth reasoning why you chose the institution. I didn't expect that this
will also be a personal statement and if it is well then there's a lot more to work on and not just the structure of the essay.

I suggest the following;
- mind the direct translation of your sentences, however normal, we tend to translate our ideas from our mother tongue
to English and this way is not that effective and may be not that smooth as well in the sentences we form in the paragraphs.

- refrain from using words more than twice in your writing

I also suggest that you put the motto, "never lose myself to a slump" form your fave basketball star in the beginning of the essay

to start a conversational and light mood instead of jumping straight to the formal concept and purpose of the essay.

I will reflect and read your essay one more time and I'll keep you posted if there's anything else that I can share.
justivy03 - / 2366 607  
Jan 11, 2016   #6
Jize, I proof read your essay and with the enhancement done,
I believe your essay is better now and therefore ready for submission.
Changing the structure of your essay really brought the essay to another
level, it made it stronger and more appropriate to answer the prompt.
It is also good that it is well polished, the presentation of the paragraphs
looks neat and formal.

I hope you see the difference in acknowledging that there can be done
to enhance your essay, this allows you to see the difference of other
peoples view in your essay in order to achieve a higher level of
polished essay.

Nevertheless, you started good in writing this essay and you ended
great because you kept an open mind.

I hope to see more of your writing pieces here on EF soon.

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