Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


Identical Triplets - Common App Essay//topic of choice



thismaniscrazy 1 / 6  
Aug 18, 2011   #1
Hey guys and gals!! First essay here. I hope that this site will be helpful, and will try my best to help you too!

INSTRUCTIONS:
Please write an essay of 250 - 500 words on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below, and attach it to your application before submission. Please indicate your topic by checking the appropriate box. This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. NOTE: Your Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Do not customize it in any way for individual colleges. Colleges that want customized essay responses will ask for them on a supplement form.

Without further ado, here it is!! Enjoy!
------------------------------------------------
There are very few sets of identical triplet males in the world. And I am deeply honored to be one of them.

17 years ago, I came into this world, screaming and crying. My incessant wails could be heard throughout the government hospital in South India. My tiny body shivering in the cool room, drenched in blood. But I did not come alone. On either side of me, lay my slightly-older and my slightly-younger brother. Together, we were a sight indeed.

I can imagine the look on my father's face: raw emotion. Happiness mixed with pride, fear and anxiety. He told me later that he had almost fainted from all the stress. After all of the initial tests had said that we were all healthy, my father told me he was the happiest man on the face of the Earth.

My poor mother, on the other hand, had passed out a long time ago. She had had pains for a while, which resulted in a C-section a full month before the scheduled due date. She woke up from a deep sleep a few days later and just smiled. She held each one of us closely; our youthful little heads snuggled on her chest.

Fast-forward four-and-a-half years, we were moving to America and my entire life shifted. Here I am, a 3 foot-tall Indian child in a land where I don't speak the language, seeing things I've never seen before. Everything was different, save for one thing: the looks on people's faces when they saw us three.

The best thing -and worst-about being a triplet is that someone is always there. My brothers are only too willing to lend out harsh comments and snide remarks. Along with their commentary, their presence has followed me everywhere. Throughout my childhood, I distinctly remember doing everything together. To everyone else, it was cool to say that they had triplets over; to me, it was normal. My atypical moments of

being alone with my thoughts have truly been refreshing.

The good is coupled with the bad with all special things. If I need a friend, a workout partner, a critic, a tutor, a shoulder to lean on, I've been blessed with two of each. I honestly cannot remember a time in my life when I've been lonely or bored. Each moment is something new and that I cherish deeply.

Thought it may seem like my house was a hectic mess, it has been a wonderful childhood. Now, we have reached our biggest challenge: college. While I will be sad when we part ways, there is an eager and excited energy within me. The thoughts of being alone with knowledge all around me is quite electrifying. When my peers look at me in college, they look at me, not us.

I am completely used to getting stares everywhere I go. Not because I look different, but because I look similar. Without my two brothers, I would not be a triplet; I would not be me.

br93 2 / 13  
Aug 18, 2011   #2
My blood-drenched body shivered in the cool room of the South Indian government hospital, wails of pain reverberating through the walls. But I was not alone. With me that fateful night were two others, identical to me in nearly every way. Together we emerged into the world, and for seventeen years, together we have lived. (You can change this around any way you would like... or omit it altogether... you might find it somewhat cheesy... But I personally found it to be more gripping that what you had written.)

Unfortunately, I felt that you deviated from the central theme too much. If you intend to write about being an identical triplet, I would try to maintain that focus. For instance, I found the paragraphs about your parents to be irrelevant. The best parts of your essay were the paragraphs that detailed what being a triplet means to you. That said, try to cite specific examples that illustrate your points. Describe experiences in which your brothers have been your friend, workout partner, critic, tutor, etc. You do not need to illustrate absolutely every point, but try to provide several solid examples.

Also, I feel that the best overall approach would be to describe how your feelings toward your brothers have changed since your childhood. You have begun to do this already by mentioning the negatives of being a triplet (remember not to dwell on the negatives) and then going on to explain the positives. Continue doing this by showing how you have learned to appreciate the idiosyncrasies of being a triplet! And if you can, try to incorporate how being a triplet has influenced your attitude toward life, future goals/aspirations, etc. Doing so will definitely demonstrate that being a triplet has been an important part of your life. Good luck with your essay! And please provide feedback for mine!
jordanpoole2012 1 / 4  
Aug 18, 2011   #3
Love it. Definitely a really strong essay, especially your great use of imagery in the intro. br93's intro correction is good but I really love your sentence structure in yours as well. Overall its a really good essay but if I were to change anything I agree with br93, you do seem to deviate a bit from your main theme. I know in 500 words its really hard to tell a full story, but I think your paragraphs about your parents and coming to America dilute your theme. With your way with imagery I would try to tell another little anecdote about your brothers, I think it would add another layer of depth. I think its also important to make sure you answer the question, What have you learned from your brothers? What about being a triplet makes you unique and gives you a unique perspective (besides the statistic)? I think you really hit that point on the head in your conclusion but your body didnt always carry that through. Great essay, with an especially strong intro/conclusion though!

More nitpicking:
1) "and" and "but" arent always looked highly upon in the grammatical world as sentence starters but they do make for great sentence structure. I'd just be careful about using them too often.

2) I'd probably say "male identical twins"

3) Spell seventeen

4) My tiny body...WAS drenched in blood

5) "initial tests said" not "had said"

6) You use happiness twice in that paragraph maybe choose a different word

7) delete the "we were moving to america" and make it a separate sentence. "Four and a half years and my entire life had shifted. We were moving to America."

8) "Here I WAS"

9) "The best (and worst)"

10) "To everyone else, it was cool to say that they had triplets over; to me, it was normal. My atypical moments of
being alone with my thoughts have truly been refreshing." I'm not sure the first sentence is necessary. The second sentence would be better with the word "rare" than "atypical"

11) "The good is coupled with the bad with all special things" kind of a run on

12) "The thoughts of being alone with knowledge all around me is quite electrifying." is a little awkward maybe "The opportunity to be alone with knowledge is quite electrifying" or something

Thank you so much for critiquing mine I hope I gave you some stuff to go on!
OP thismaniscrazy 1 / 6  
Aug 19, 2011   #4
thank you!! this has been very helpful. NOTE: it was a first draft so i can see all the mistakes ive made now!
i will post a second draft as soon as i can!!
-VM
reidabook 6 / 19  
Aug 22, 2011   #5
I think that the beginning could be a little less about how mean your brothers are. you need to express the difficulties of being a triplet in a different way because it sounds a bit like either a complaint, or that you want sympathy. Maybe you should put in a revelation about when and how you realized that "Without my two brothers, I would not be a triplet; I would not be me.", because you say bad things about them, then good, then bad. you need to cover the cons, revelation for pros, and then insight that you've gained. I am also confused about you being in the hospital. were you three in an accident, or was that when you were born? it doesn't really fit well into the paper as of now.


Home / Undergraduate / Identical Triplets - Common App Essay//topic of choice
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳