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"Ignorance in Society" Issue of Importance - UT Essay B



RamyaRam 6 / 14  
Oct 10, 2010   #1
any and all advice is greatly appreciated!

Topic: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Living in a city in the most southern part of our United States has its pros and cons. It is great living in an area that is so close - knit, friendly and spirited, but this "close - knit" atmosphere can be difficult to infiltrate when you are one of only a few that differ from the crowd. Being in this kind of environment, I am constantly judged for following a different belief system than the "norm," and based on such experiences, I believe that ignorance is nothing short of an epidemic. If children are not encouraged to embrace the differences of those around them, then America will never be able to live up to or achieve its "great melting pot" status.

As an impressionable eight - year - old, I was told by my then best friend that based on my religious beliefs, I would end up in hell, and in order to avoid such a morbid afterlife, I should convert as soon as possible. Being so young, I barely understood the meaning of religion, let alone what it personally meant to me, so this statement scared the life out of me. I decided to keep this bit of news to myself, so I dealt with the allegations on my own by ignoring them and carrying on with life as normal, practicing the same religion I always had. While I regret that it was my best friend that felt the need to share such a hateful thought, I am glad that I had that harsh taste of reality at such a young age. That incident has helped me grow into a person who embraces her culture and heritage wholeheartedly and seeks to inform others about the differences in our world and how this diversity enhances the overall life experience. At my high school, I am currently a proud leader of the Multicultural Alliance Club that strives to overcome such obstacles and highlight the positives of diversity and acceptance. Even though it is a very new organization, being barely a year old, the response to it has been incredible. It is inspiring to see so many students interested in making our school a more hospitable place, and an organization like this is a large step towards diminishing the level of ignorance in our community by providing a nonjudgmental environment in which students can openly learn about one another.

Ignorance exists on so many more levels than just religion, but clearly, much of today's generation is ready and willing to learn about the differences that make America a whole. Individual communities can have such an impact on our world by making diversity a discussed topic, and America can finally succeed in its goal of making ignorance a thing of the past.

dmanguru 1 / 7  
Oct 10, 2010   #2
Wow! This was a very impressive essay and I can tell you put considerable effort into detailing such an impactful moment in your life. Not only was your topic on the "Ignorance of Society" a very relevant issue, but the way you expounded on it by presenting a deeply personal experience instead of data and statistics was superb. I am hard-pressed to find any serious flaw in your essay. Very good job!
OP RamyaRam 6 / 14  
Oct 11, 2010   #3
thank you so much!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 13, 2010   #4
no need for spaces with a hyphen:
close-knit

Can you make that first para more concise and ...clearer? I think you can make sentences shorter and less mysterious. Oh, I know the problem... you confused the heck out of me with discussion of living in the south... I had no idea what the essay was really about. I don't think you should focus that whole first para on living in the south. That is not the subject of the essay, just a detail you might mention to help the reader understand.

Again, no spaces with hyphens:
As an impressionable eight - year - old , eight-year-old

I think you should have less story in the middle and more discussion at the end.

:-)


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