"improving people's lives with computers" - Computer Engineering - Michigan

Hi there,

Please critique my michigan supplement. I will critique yours as well, thank you.

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

As an eighteen year old, I don't yet have the experience or vision to know what I want to accomplish. Yet, I have a dream. I dream to take my interest in computer to the next level and develop ideas that can improve people's lives with computers.

To make my dream into reality, I know that I still have a lot to learn and to explore. Hence, I need a university; a university that could broaden my knowledge in computer as well as giving me chances to work on my ideas. After lots of researches, I find University Of Michigan to be my ideal university and I want to study computer engineering.

From Signals and Systems to Computer Architecture, the College of Engineering of UMich offers tons of interesting courses for computer engineering that I like and I can't wait to study them. I would like to have the power to build systems that contain microprocessors and program them. Or, I could create new designs for microprocessors, personal computers or supercomputers. Besides, I have the opportunity to choose elective courses which I expect to find one or two true passions and expand my knowledge in that field. And, the best part is I will be tutored by the best faculty in the world and with the high tech facilities including the Center for Wireless Integrated MicroSystems and the Center for Ultra-Fast Optical Sciences.

However, education in UMich is not all about studying in the classroom. There are many exciting opportunities in the university. For example, UMich offers a variety of research opportunities for undergraduates such as Summer Undergraduate Research in Engineering, Summer Research Opportunity Program and Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program which I intent to participate in as an extraordinarily valuable training for me. In addition, UMich has excellent connections to many companies which lead to many internships, co-ops, and job opportunities. The internships would give me a lot of useful experiences and a preview for future work in the field.

Furthermore, what attracts me most is that the Umich College of Engineering is like a big family. The senior section leader will tutor the junior in the discussion sections and get them excited about the major. There are also peer advisors who help and share their experiences with other undergraduates. I really like this kind of interaction because I could build up relationships with other undergraduates. Besides, there are many student groups in College of Engineering such as IEEE, CSE Scholars and HKN. I have long heard about HKN and I dream to be a member of it. I will work hard to be a member because I know that Eta Kappa Nu is an honor society whose members are handpicked.

I value the chance to study at UMich heavily as it is my great honor if UMich is my next destination. I therefore will not only gain from UMich, but also contribute to UMich by constantly challenging myself to achieve a great achievement.

i think that this essay is very good because of many reasons:

good organisation of ideas

good use of transitions

no grammatical mistakes

Hi Hamid Karim, thanks for your comments.

I need more comments please, please critque mine and i will critique yours.

You can say you want to take an interest in science to the next level, but do not say "interest in computer."
You have to use an s with computer.

I dream to take my interest in computers to the next level and develop ideas that can improve people's lives with computers.
However, if you write computer science, you do not need to add an s:
... my interest in computer science to the next..."

To make my dream into become reality, I know ...

You wrote this very well. I am impressed by your knowledge. You can use it when you write application letters: Use your knowledge to cite some books or articles you have read. Also, it is obvious that comp sci is changing so much that you cannot really predict your future. So, as you write essays for college, write in ways that reflect the fact that you are ALREADY a practitioner in this field, and you are adding to what you know and do. You are no longer a kid, and you are ready instead to assert yourself as someone contributing to your field and improving people's lives with computers.

:-)