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"Independence helped me achieve higher grades" - UC Prompt #2



lbb 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2010   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

People always told me that I am an independent individual. When it comes to group activities I would much rather work alone. When I was in sophomore year in my English class, the teacher assigned a group project on my favorite Shakespearean play Macbeth. Although it was hard work, I chose to finish the assignment on my own and received the best grade in the class for it as well. Deciding to work alone on various group assignments throughout my high school career has drastically profited on my grade whereas during middle school, where I depended too much on others.

In middle school, I was very reliant upon my friends and classmates for schoolwork. I always thought I could depend on them for open questions and group projects, but in reality, they didn't really care or help me to the best of their abilities. I realized that I was a nuisance to them, so I started to depend on only myself on my school-related issues instead of them.

When it was time for high school, I was very independent compared to before entering the school. In contrast to middle school, I do not choose to do group projects with my classmates, but still will perform my duties as a group member without fail.

Independence rules our country and our government, from every official position. The Declaration of Independence was written for a reason and one reason only: to pronounce that Americans are free and can express however they feel without prejudice. The foundations of our national parchment was for the better of our developing country. My becoming of independence helped me achieve higher grades for high school and also bettered me to become a more responsible person overall.

jrecarpenter - / 6  
Nov 28, 2010   #2
I would take out the first sentence. It does not matter what other people think, the admissions officers need to glean information from your essay not be told what to think.
OP lbb 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2010   #3
ok, thanks for that tip
zashkon 2 / 11  
Nov 29, 2010   #4
My suggestion is to try and develop how this independence has led to your progression into a prospective applicant instead of telling them how you are an independent person and why being independent is important. You spend a lot of time talking about your high school experience and how the Declaration of Independence has affected America, but you don't talk too much about how independence has helped you achieve anything meaningful. Take your last sentence as a starting point and try to expand this


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