INSPIRE & SURE - Emory Univeristy Supplemental

1. Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Emory University has exemplary professors and is at the forefront of many research investigations such as finding a cure to the fragile X syndrome. Emory is one of the best research universities in our nation. Being a biology fanatic, Emory is a haven for me.

During my internship at Stanford University's Neurology Department, I immersed myself in a fascinating world of molecular biology and earned the opportunity to propose my own research investigation, to the supervising professor, on the effect that the increase of SMN proteins might have on the quality of life. The research provided an excitement for discovery. Emory's Interdisciplinary Science Program for Integrating Research into Education (INSPIRE), an undergraduate program that allows students to work with Emory faculty and graduate students on cutting edge research projects is a superb opportunity for me to continue my scientific endeavors and to learn from outstanding mentors.

In addition, Emory's community is ideal for me. Its liberal environment gives me the courage to open new doors, and its competitive student body gives me the motivation to pursue my dreams. At Emory, I will not only be learning from the professors but also from the talented peers around me!

I wish to start a fruitful friendship with Emory and become a part of its dynamic community. With Emory's intent to nurture its students with research opportunities and my desire to continue my scientific endeavors, Emory University is the perfect home for me!

Please criticize, thanks!

Please comment! My essay is mostly based on the research and Emory's undergraduate research program. Should I cut down on it and expand to other areas also? Also, I wasn't really sure if talking about Stanford was a really good idea... Please help!

I don't really like your intro, I think it's kind of vague and doesn't really show how much of a science fanatic you are because anyone could get that stat off the internet.

This investigation marks the first time I have been involved in a scientific endeavor of this high a caliber and the pride and excitement for discovery makes research opportunities very important (change the word?) to me. Emory offers such opportunities for undergraduate students!(What opportunities? Research? Say it!)

I wish to start a fruitful friendship with Emory University and become a part of it's lively community that is why I wish to attend Emory. Add a better concluding sentence (ex. Due to the reasons I have stated above, I believe that Emory would be a good fit for me.).

I really enjoyed reading your essay. You include notes about your own research, all while noting Emory's programs as well. I don't think it's necessary to put exclamation points at the end of your essay; it seems to make a switch from formal to informal.

Can you add any other information about SURE and INSPIRE? it seems like you are just stating them.

Overall, i think it does
answer the essay question
but not sufficiently..

like what raezzat said,
you could include more info about the
science programs in Emory
or you can write more about how you became interested.

good luck!

Revised---

I added more about INSPIRE. I really hope this one's better. Please criticize thanks!

Instead of stating that it is one of the best research universities you should comment on one of Emory's ongoing researches, to show that you have researched the school. Since many schools say they are heavily invested on research.